As
I reflect back on my time in the furnace, I have to say that the most growth
seemed to happen during the times of God’s deafening silence. As we waited for years to get direction from
God about finally buying a house, it seemed that the greater my need for an
answer and for God’s leading, the quieter He got.
At first, I
pleaded with Him for a sense of direction and for a house. But by the end, I was just pleading to have
any sense that He was even there, that He cared and was listening and hadn’t
abandoned me. What started out as a
search for a home ended up as a search for knowing that I mattered to God.
It’s ironic
to me that the greatest level of growth that I have ever had in my relationship
with the Lord came out of a time when I doubted everything about my
relationship with Him. The most growth I
have ever experienced in my understanding of prayer came from feeling like I
totally failed at it.
And I could
only get to this point by facing the walls and fears and doubts that I had
inside. And I could only do that when
God hid from me. Because the more He
hid, the more I pursued. It wasn’t that
He had abandoned me (even if it felt that way); it’s that He knew I was ready
to dig deeper and pursue Him more. And
this wouldn’t have happened if I was pampered by His presence and by His
blessings.
I think that
there are at least five reasons why God remains silent for stretches of
time:
1. It’s a time of discipline - a time when He
has “withdrawn” to give us a little jolt that helps open our eyes to our sins
and the effect that they have caused.
This is to help us adjust our course as we walk with Him, and we should
be deliberate about righting any wrongs and asking forgiveness as soon as we
can.
2. It’s a time of being turned over to the
hardness of our hearts - because we have resisted Him and have neglected to
listen to and obey the convictions and nudges of the Holy Spirit. Or maybe we have outright rebelled or turned
our back on Him. First, He tries to get
our attention and help us get back on track.
But if we persist, He has no other choice than to let us walk down the
path of rebellion. This kind of silence
is to be feared and taken very seriously.
It is dangerous territory and can reap severe consequences.
3. It’s a time of pruning and growth - when He
knows that we are ready and willing to pursue Him and His righteousness more
deliberately, when we are reaching out for Him more earnestly than ever
before. And yet, somehow, it seems like
He has withdrawn. But this silence
should not be feared. He is there with
you, encouraging you toward godly growth and character, like a parent taking a
step backward as their toddler learns to walk, beckoning them to take one more
step closer. Allow this time to draw you
closer to Him, in prayer and through His Word.
4. It’s a time to teach us to be content with
God’s right to be God, with His right to say “no” or “wait,” with His choice to
not intervene at that time, for whatever reason. It’s meant to get us off of His throne where
we have been happily sitting and making plans and ordering Him around.
5. And sometimes it’s just because He’s working
on the answer to our prayers and it’s not ready yet. And so He has nothing more to say than “Find
your comfort and strength in Me, and hang in there. I’m working on it.”
When you
find yourself in an extended time of waiting, of God’s silence, and you are
getting confused and don’t know what to do, it might be a good idea to consider
what this time of waiting may be about.
Is it for discipline? Is it
because you are in rebellion? Is it that
He is working on the answer? Or
challenging you to give Him the right to say “no,” forcing you to get off His
throne? Or is it because God is trying
to grow your character and your faith, asking you to climb higher and dig
deeper in your walk with Him?
I can’t say that there are any steps to
follow to get out of this time of waiting.
It’s not like there’s a formula to get God to act or to reveal
Himself. (Trust me, I’ve tried. And tried.
And tried.) But there are things
we can do to make the most of this time, to draw closer to Him instead of
drifting, and to learn to wait more contentedly. It may just be that God knows you are ready
to learn something you never wanted to learn before - about yourself, about
God, or about His plans.
Quite
honestly, our tendency is to fear this time, to feel abandoned, and to feel like
it will never end. And so we desperately
try to fight our way out of His silence, or to fill it with busyness and
“God-pleasing” activities in the hopes that we can earn His answer or
attention.
Resist the
urge to lead the way out. Follow
instead! Use this time to draw near to
God. Immerse yourself in prayer and in
the Word, letting the Spirit know that you are willing to hear from Him.
But remember
that just because we say “Speak,” doesn’t mean that He will right away. He answers when He decides to, when we are
ready to hear it and willing to obey. I
once heard His answer to a prayer almost before I even finished praying. But with the house-hunting, I had to wait a
couple years before I got any direction from Him (or before I even got a reminder
that He was there and listening). Those
were hard, discouraging, confusing years.
It seems to
me that we usually have to wait longer than we want because longer times of
silence make us try harder and dig deeper.
They reveal more of what’s inside of us.
And they ultimately test us. They
make us choose between giving up or pursuing Him more deliberately.
Now, while
we can’t make Him talk or reveal Himself, we can make sure that we are in a
receptive position when He does speak.
And we do this by reading the Word and praying and thinking on Him. And when we are in a time of waiting, we have
a great opportunity to develop our spiritual lives, such as examining our
hearts and minds for any offensive ways and evaluating how well we obey, how
well we treat others, if we glorify God in the jobs He has given us, and if we
have learned to praise in the pain and be thankful for the blessings we already
have.
The key is: Don’t rush it or try to force your way out
of His silence. Don’t fill it with
distractions. Don’t despair. Be willing to learn from this time and to
wait on God.
He will not
forget you. Trust me on this. Trust the Bible on this! But the waiting usually lasts a lot longer than we are comfortable
with. Just expect that and know that it’s
normal.
As I look
back on the emotional roller coasters that I have been on during my various
times of waiting, it seems as though I usually go through different stages
before God acts:
Stage 1: Utter confidence that
the Lord will do what I’m asking… “Lord, I’m praying for this, and I believe
that You want to do it and that You will do it soon.”
Stage 2: Confident enough to keep waiting because it’s
just a matter of time… “Okay, I’m waiting happily here because I just know
that Your answer is right around the corner.”
Stage 3: A bit concerned but
still trusting that God will reward my patient faithfulness and my trust in Him
with the answer I want… “Beginning to sweat a little here, Lord, but I know
that You want me to learn to wait contentedly.
So I will!”
Stage 4: Concerned that I
might not be getting through, that maybe He’s not aware of how faithfully I am
waiting on Him, feeling the need to remind Him and to help the answer along … “Hey,
God, look how contentedly I am waiting here.
Where are You? I know You won’t
forget me. But You know what, how about
I just get things moving here and help You with the answer!”
Stage 5: Discouragement,
feeling abandoned and forgotten, even after all the praying I’ve done and all
the faith I’ve expressed, after trying to help the answer along a little, and after
trying to do everything just right to get Him to listen and respond … yet
feeling like it might just be one last test that I have to pass before He
answers… “You’ve forgotten me, haven’t You?
But You know what, I’m not going to give up yet. I’m going to ask again. You like perseverance, right? Please, I really need an answer.”
Stage 6: Discouraged and
desperate and out of any ideas of how to get God to answer, and now moving from
wanting an answer to just wanting to be reminded that God is real and listening
and that He cares… “God, I’ve asked again and again. What more do I have to do? I’m looking for any sins that are blocking
You from me, I’m trying to do my best to live righteously and to wait well, and
I’m reading my Bible and praying for Your guidance. But where are You? I’m getting exhausted and discouraged. I just need something from You. Anything!
Stage 7: Giving up, too
discouraged to care anymore, too tired to hope, not caring if I get an answer
anymore or any sign from Him, just wanting to be left alone… “Okay, God, You
know what? Forget it! I can’t ask
anymore. I’m done.”
Stage 8: Remembering
that He is my God, that He does answer prayer in His time and way, that He is
the only real hope I have and that I have been through too much with Him to
turn my back on Him, not caring about an answer anymore just wanting to sense
His presence, to be reminded that my faith is not in vain… “Okay, I’m not
done! I have nowhere else to turn
to. And You know what, I don’t even want
an answer anymore. I don’t care about
getting anything from You. Please, just
let me know that You are there and that You care. I will not believe that You don’t care or
that You won’t handle this concern.”
Stage 9: Choosing to cling in
faith, no matter what, and giving God permission to say “no” to my requests and
trusting that He has His reasons, yet reminding Him that I will not stop waiting
for Him to show Himself to me again … because that is more important to me than
any other prayer request… “God, even if You won’t reveal Yourself yet, I won’t
give up on You. And I know that You won’t
give up on me. Help me to be content
with the silence. I don’t care about the
prayer request anymore; I only care about Your presence. Help me to hang in there until You show
Yourself. I’m digging in my heels and
I’m not going anywhere - until You show me that You are the God that I know You
are, the God who loves us and doesn’t forget us and will be there when we call. And I will wait as long as it takes.
Stage 10: This is usually the
point where the wait has been so long that my focus has completely shifted off
of the idol I had been chasing and onto Him.
He alone becomes the only thing that will satisfy. The only thing I need. I can do without the answer, but I couldn’t
live without Him. And after this point,
after pursuing Him with all that is within me, after waiting through lots of
silence, after being pruned of any sense of self-sufficiency or self-control, He
whispers.
And, oh, it
is so worth it! Nothing that He could
give me is as satisfying and as beautiful as that. And by that point, either my desire has
changed and I no longer “need” what I thought I needed, or He finally brings
the answer that I wanted. But now, it is
not an idol. It’s a blessing that I want
to use for His glory. It’s not about me
anymore, it’s all about Him!
[Now I’m not
saying that God always deliberately waits just so we can learn some kind of
spiritual lesson. The risk here is that
we then think that as soon as we learn the lesson, God will act. Sometimes it happens that way and sometimes
it doesn’t. Sometimes God holds waits for
a reason, to teach us something or to get us to do something … and sometimes
it’s just life and whatever we wanted was never going to happen anyway.
Our job is not to worry about getting what we want in the end,
but to let all of life draw us closer to Him and strengthen our faith and trust,
especially in the times that we don’t get what we want.]
Part of
learning that it’s all about Him and for Him is to (as I said earlier) learn to
be content with His right to say “no.”
Every so often, I go through times when I feel like a huge failure in
every area of life. I will get hard on
myself for weeks or months at a time because none of my efforts seem to
accomplish anything worthwhile and because God is remaining silent about it
all.
I was in one
of these funks recently (for four depressing months) when I was feeling like I
failed at something that I really wanted to succeed at, for God’s glory. I felt like a loser and like I didn’t matter
to anyone. No matter what I did, I
seemed blocked at every turn. And I felt
like it was all my fault somehow. I was
doing my best, but it wasn’t good enough.
And if my best wasn’t good enough then I was really pathetic.
And one day
I was standing at the sink doing dishes and listening to the Newsboys sing
“Blessed Be Your Name” (I love, love this song!
One of my favorites!) And as I
was lamenting my failures to God, I zeroed in on the line of the song that
basically says that God “gives or takes away . . . Blessed be the name of the
Lord!”
He “takes
away.” He takes away. And like a
ray of light, it dawned on me. Maybe it
wasn’t that I was failing at everything.
Maybe He had simply chosen to take away, for whatever reason. And the problem wasn’t my efforts or ability;
it’s that I wasn’t willing to accept the right of the Lord to “take away.” As Job said, “The
Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised.” (Job
1:21)
Well, I
realized that, all that time, I wasn’t willing to let God “take away” the
success that I sought, the financial security that I was striving for, and the
level of accomplishment that I fought to reach.
I wasn’t willing to accept less.
And so I kept trying and trying, doing things I thought were worthwhile
and godly – trying to make it happen - yet being blocked at every turn. And I felt more and more crushed with every
“failure” and with every day of God’s silence that went by.
But once He
reminded me of His right to give or take away, I could take my eyes off of
myself and my “failures” and put my trust back in Him. Because as long as I was trying my best for
His glory, it wasn’t about me and my ability.
It was about what He chose to do – or not do - with my efforts. He had the right to “take away” or to say
“no” to my heart’s desires and my efforts.
He had the right to prevent or stall success.
And once I
accepted that truth, I was relieved of the responsibility and the burden to
accomplish something that was outside of my reach. I didn’t have to force success if God was
blocking it. I simply had to accept that
He was pleased that I did my best, that my efforts and desire to glorify Him touched
His heart, if no one else’s.
And my job
became to praise and glorify Him today
– whether He gives or takes away. To be
responsible for the tasks that He put into my path today. And to let Him have
the rest. I have to let Him have tomorrow, let Him have the right to use
(or not use) me however He wants, let Him have the right to grant success or to
“take away.” It’s not about me or my
ability or my accomplishments or my desires or my plans anymore; it’s about
letting Him be God. And this is crucial
to learning to be content!
[And if I
may point out something else here.
Sometimes it can be just as hard to accept the times He wants to “give”
or bless. Some of us are much more
comfortable with His justice, with His “no” answers, and with getting only the
tiniest bit of whatever He wants to give us.
We are used to be overlooked, on the outside, making do with little and
not asking for more. Some of us have a
harder time letting Him bless us abundantly and pour out His grace and mercy
and love on us because we feel too low and undeserving.
Well, we are
definitely underserving, but we need to learn how to let God “give” as well as
“take away.” Because if He gives, He
does so for a reason and He wants to be glorified through it. And being able to “accept” is a huge part of
getting the salvation and forgiveness that He offers, and of learning to be
humble, content, and to glorify God no matter what. God wants us to enjoy His creation and His
blessings, and to do this means to gracefully accept them and show our
gratitude by enjoying them - the same way we want people to respond to us when
we give them a gift.]
Too many
times, our prayers are not from the foot of the cross. They are from our position on the
throne. We demand and request and order
God around. We try to convince Him that
we know best, and we act like He waits at our feet to do our bidding. We have a “right” to the answers. We’ve followed the formula. We know best because we can see the justness,
rightness, mercifulness, fairness, value, and importance of what we are asking
for. Surely God can see it, too. Right?
And then we
feel like He let us down and can’t be trusted if it didn’t happen the way we
thought it should. We question what kind
of a Christian we are, what kind of God He is and if He really cares about us
at all. And we either get angry and
rebel and grow bitter … or we retreat in pain and fortify our walls and say,
“See! I knew He’d let me down. Everyone always does.” We pass judgment on His ability to be God and
we evaluate His performance by our limited understanding, by the things He does
for us.
But we have
shrunk Him. We have turned Him into a
Vending Machine.
And I have
to ask, who is really on the throne?
Lack of
answers and God’s silence and a “no” can cause us to doubt God. But we can’t stop there. We need to use those doubts as springboards
to uncover walls, sins, fears, expectations, and misconceptions about ourselves
and about God. And to root out any idols
that we are chasing.
And once
again, this brings us back to the importance of the Word. Because that is where we find the truth about
who He is and who we are. Without Truth,
we are left to float around hopelessly lost at sea. We have no hope outside of God’s Truth!
I believe
that the healing that God wants for us is the kind that will bring us to the
point where we can say, “Regardless of how You answer, Your will be done! You are enough for me!” This is being sweetly broken. This is true humility. And this is why we face His silence
sometimes. To break us of our need to
play God in our life! To teach us to be
content! And to cause us to wrestle and
wrestle with our fears, doubts, misconceptions, expectations, and sins - until
we resemble Him more, draw ever nearer to Him, and realize that He is all we really
desire and need!
(I have
found a lot of comfort in J.J. Heller’s song “Your Hands,” which talks about
how we never leave God’s hands, even with all the unanswered prayers and pain
that we have. It has kinda been a theme
song for me over the years. Thank you,
J.J., for this beautiful song! Another
wonderful song … “Better than a Hallelujah” by Amy Grant, about how God wants
us to pour our pain out to Him because He loves us and because we matter to
Him.)
When we get
a clear, biblical understanding of the truth about ourselves and God, we will
know Him as a good, loving Father that can be trusted, no matter how or when He
answers. We will be more comfortable
with knowing that our job is to pray and His job is to answer. We’ll know that even if we didn’t get what we
wanted in our time and in our way, He will work it out for good. Because of who He is! And because of His love for us!
I
think that most discontentment comes from feeling like God owes us something
that He isn’t giving us. When in
reality, we owe Him everything that we already have.
The secret
to being content… Remember that whatever comes (or doesn’t come) our way is from
His hands, and He can be trusted.
And our
focus should be on how to glorify Him in all circumstances, instead of trying
to run from them, change them, or fight our way out before it is time!
If you find
yourself in a long time of waiting, take some time to examine your life, your
views of God, your views of yourself, your spiritual disciplines, your level of
obedience, and any lies, sins, expectations, doubts, fears, misconceptions,
etc., that you harbor in your heart or mind.
And here are some questions to help you do this:
Questions for when God seems far away, and you
can’t figure out why:
1.
Did anything in this section stand out to me? Why?
2.
Have I rebelled against God or disobeyed in anything? How can I make it right?
3.
Do I really want God’s presence in my life? Do I want to know His opinion about how I am
living?
4.
In what areas am I resisting Him and why?
5.
Can I handle His correction? Am I
teachable? If not, why? Where does it come from and what can I do
about it?
6.
Am I chasing after anything (recognition, money, security, praise, other
people, status, possessions, a particular answer, etc.) when I should be
chasing after a real relationship with God?
What are my idols?
7.
What am I focusing on intensely right now: money, house, impressing
others, my depression or pleasure, spiritual experiences, etc.? How does that focus need to shift? And am I seeking earthly pleasures over heaven’s
treasures?
8.
Am I disgracing Him by engaging in the “spiritual” or immoral practices
of those around me, things like witchcraft, sex outside of marriage, cheating,
gossiping, unkindness, drunkenness, etc.?
(I don’t think we can become all that God wants us to be and get all of
His blessings if we are trying to live with one foot in each camp: the world’s
and God’s.)
9.
Am I lazy in my spiritual disciplines?
Am I focused on comfortably living my nice, little life? (Remember, God calls us to be diligent and
earnest and seek Him with all our hearts.
And He may have to pull away from us to get us to do that, if we have
become too comfortable.)
10.
Am I using up all my energy to keep all the balls up in the air, to
handle everything on my own? Why do I
feel like I have to do this? Have I
shared my burden with the Lord? If not,
why not? If so, am I trusting Him to
handle my concerns? If not, why not?
11.
Is there any part of my heart/life/past that I have not opened up to the
Lord? Anything that I am guarding or
hiding from Him?
12.
Am I being less-than-transparent with God (or myself) about anything in
my life: thoughts, feelings, sins, my past, etc.? If so, what walls, fears, and doubts are
still between me and the Lord? Why? (Confess them and ask God for help getting past
them.)
13.
What is my attitude/behavior towards other people right now? Anger, resentment, bitterness, jealousy,
unloving spirit, unforgiveness, disrespect, gossiping, etc. (Think specifically here. Look at each person you know or come into
contact with and see if there are any that you have an ungodly attitude
toward. Pray that God brings it to your
attention. I believe that the more we
embrace ungodly behavior, attitudes and habits, the more we crowd out the Holy
Spirit and the more access to our hearts and lives we give Satan. And so we need to be deliberate about rooting
these out.)
14.
Am I having a hard time letting God “give” or “take away” in any area of
my life right now? What is behind this
struggle? And what should my response be
instead?
15.
Am I discontent in any area?
Why? How is it affecting me and
my faith? What should I do about it? (Pray about it first.)
16.
Am I judging Him and His ability to be God based on how He is working
(or not working) in my life right now? How
am I judging Him? What are my
expectations of Him, of faith, of life?
(Think carefully, and talk it all over with Him.) How does He want me to change? (Ask Him!)
17.
Am I willing to wait for God to work in His time and in His way? If not, why not? Where is that attitude coming from? What effect might it have on me and my faith
and my life? Am I willing to obey
whatever He might ask me to do? Do I
really want Him to talk to me or am I afraid of what He might say?
Sometimes,
God’s silence and pulling away is the most merciful thing He could do … because
if we are in rebellion or in disobedience or if we are living ungodly or
too-comfortable lives, we might never seek to make it right on our own. And we would miss out on that vibrant life
that comes with drawing near to Him. We
would miss out on the security of His arms and the deep joy and healing that
come with digging deeper and climbing higher with Him. And if His silence is what gets us to do
that, then praise God for it.
Questions for when your relationship with Him
is on track, but the wait for an answer is just too long:
Now, let’s
say that you are walking with Him daily and you are just waiting for an answer
to a prayer. Things seemed to be going
fine, but the wait is dragging on and on.
You need an answer, and you are starting to panic. You want to force something to happen, and
you are tempted to give up on God. Maybe
you even feel like your faith is being shaken.
You have never really doubted Him before, but His silence is making you
wonder if He really cares, if you matter, and if He is ever going to do
anything about it. And you realize that
you need to call upon every resource you have to make it through this time of
waiting.
During these
times, it may help to ask yourself . . .
1.
Do I run ahead of God’s guidance or fail to seek His guidance? Am I praying for His Will to happen or am I
praying for what I believe I need or want?
Am I so focused on “the answer I want” that I am failing to ask Him to
guide my path and to give me the wisdom to see His answer?
[I think
that it’s more helpful for us to pray about His help, wisdom, guidance, peace,
etc. on the journey than it is to “pray the answer.” That’s when we tell God in prayer how we
expect Him to answer. Instead of
praying, “Lord, give me wisdom to know when You are revealing the next step,”
we pray, “Lord, let the next step be such-and-such.”
But this can
lead to doubts, frustration, anger toward God, etc., when we don’t get the
things we prayed for. We get confused
because we thought the Bible said that we would get what we prayed for, if we
prayed in faith. So something must be
wrong with us or our faith, right?
However, God
never promises us specific answers, but the Bible is full of the promises that
He gives us to help us on the journey.
Read the Bible for these, and remind God of these kinds of promises. These are ones that He will answer!]
2.
Have I looked in the Word for the promises that God has given me?
[It really
does help as you go into a long time of waiting to immerse yourself in the
Word. Ask for the Holy Spirit to lead
you to a verse or two that you can claim as your own in this waiting. There are many things that God has promised
us through His Word. And if we ask, the
Holy Spirit will show us which ones relate to our situation. This shifts our focus from what we think we
need to what God offers. But beware of
the desire to claim any old verse that you want. Pray for His guidance and wait on Him until
He shows you the one that He wants for you.
As I went
through the wait for a house, I had many people encouraging me to go out there
and get something, anything. There were times for doing something, but
then there was also one confusing time when I knew God was telling me to do nothing.
I think this was partly for discipline, because I had made an idol out
of the search for a house. And it was
partly for learning to wait and trust Him fully. He wanted to show me that He could be
trusted; that if I obeyed His instruction to do nothing, He would still work it
out. And it was because He was working
on the best possible answer, as I would come to find out.
Anyway, as I
went through this, I really doubted that “doing nothing” was the right or wise
track. And I was beginning to doubt
myself, God, my faith, and … well . . . everything. I needed something outside of myself to hold
me up, something to ground myself on.
And since God felt so far away, I had to run to what was there - His Word. His eternal, living, completely-true
Word. And so I spent some time digging
in and looking for a life-vest, a verse or two to keep me afloat when I was
ready to be pulled under by everything - my doubts, my fears, others’ advice,
His silence, etc.
And these
were my verses:
James 1:5: “If
any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without
finding fault, and it will be given to him.”
Proverbs 3:5-6: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own
understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths
straight.”
Isaiah 48:17: “This
is what the Lord says . . .’I am the Lord your God, who teaches you what is
best for you, who directs you in the way you should go.’”
These are
what I clung to when I had nothing else to hold onto. God will
give us wisdom if we ask. He will make our paths straight if we
trust. He will direct us if we will listen and obey. And I decided that I had to take God at His
Word, even if I didn’t “feel it.”
Find some
life-vest verses for yourself. Wrap
yourself up in them and cling to them when you have nothing else to cling
to. These are God’s promises. They will keep you afloat. If you hold on.
And there
was one other verse that God spoke to my heart when I was pleading with Him
about if I should give up the house-hunting for awhile and wait on Him and do
nothing. I was really afraid that I
might miss out on a house if I did nothing, and I was afraid that it would look
irresponsible, like I wasn’t doing my part but expecting God to do His. And so I pleaded with God to show me that
“giving up” was the right thing. And, I
kid you not, “Ecclesiastes 3” popped
into my head as I was praying. So I
looked it up and my eyes fell on verses 1 and 6: “There
is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven… a time
to search and a time to give up…” Thank You, Lord, for the guidance.]
3.
Am I drawing near to Him or pulling away because of the wait and the silence?
[God will answer when it is
time. Until then, sometimes all we can
do is cling! Cling to Him, instead of
turning away in discouragement. His
silence doesn’t mean He doesn’t care. It
means He’s asking us to go deeper with Him, to climb higher on that mountain of
faith, to be pruned of things we need to be pruned of.
And yet so
many of us turn backs and say, “Fine, Lord, if You’re not going to do anything
about it or do it my way, then I’ll do it myself.” Fight through that! Fight it with all you’ve got, in transparent
prayer and by leaning on the Truth of the Bible.
We don’t win
races by giving up after the first cramp.
We don’t become artists by giving up as soon as the first tube of paint
runs out. We won’t have a successful
marriage if we turn tail the first time (or hundredth time) we face conflict or
feel unappreciated. And we don’t become
warriors in the Christian life by giving up the first time that the armor
becomes too heavy to wear or when the silence becomes too loud or when the
trials become too discouraging.
His silence
isn’t abnormal. He often makes us wait. He makes us wait until our own notions,
efforts, strength, and wisdom fail us.
He makes us wait until we no longer want just what He can give us but
until we desperately need Him. I have found that God often keeps me waiting
past the point when I feel like my wisdom and prayers could make something
happen. Then I can’t say, “Oh, look what
happened when I prayed!” All I can say
is, “It was all Him!”
We choose to
either draw nearer or to fall away when faced with His silence. We choose to believe that He is the kind of
God who will give up on us and fail us, or else we choose to believe that He
isn’t. His silence tests us. Will we cling to Him no matter what? Who else will we turn to?]
4.
Are there any walls, fears, doubts, sins, expectations, or
misconceptions that I am holding onto or that are being uncovered during this
time of waiting?
[Confess
these honestly. And be prepared to wait
some more while the Holy Spirit digs even deeper. The deeper that He wants to go in your life
and the more significant the things that He wants to change or uncover, the
more difficult and longer and louder the silence and the time of waiting will
be. But the greater the rewards will be,
too. Follow the Spirit. Go where He’s taking you. This is what will lead to the most abundant,
satisfying life possible. (After the
pain, of course.)
Now, this
doesn’t mean that if all walls are down, all sins are confessed, all
misconceptions are cleared up, etc., that you’ll get what you want. It just means that you will be able to accept
God’s answer better, because you will be seeking Him, not just what He can give
you. Your hope will be in Him, and not in some particular answer
to prayer.
I wonder
sometimes if God doesn’t answer our prayers in our way and in our timing just
so we remember that He is not a code to be figured out. He cannot be manipulated by us. He is God, and we are not. He is not a vending machine. He is far above us and our
understanding. And He knows that we need
to learn that and to take comfort in it.
He also knows what we really need eternally, no matter what we think
will fulfill us. And during the silence,
He weeds out these false desires until we learn the true desire of our
hearts.
This was the
case for me. I weeded and weeded and
weeded, and I faced one disappointment after the next. . . until I learned that
what I really needed was not the house or a home. It was not stability in anything else. What I really needed was stability in
Him. I needed Him to be more than just
“God.” I needed a Heavenly Father.
As I explored
in Child of Mine (at https://sweetlybrokengirl.blogspot.com), I resisted needing a father my
whole life because fathers let you down.
(I lost two, and later three, to divorce.) I only know how to settle for a
step-relationship, and I didn’t let myself need more.
But the
furnace burned away all the things that I thought I needed, all other pursuits,
until I realized that all I needed was to make God my Father. And not just a father that gives things, but
a Father that holds me when I hurt, that I can run to when I’m scared and in
pain, and that loves me no matter what I am or am not. And I never knew that love (I knew it in my
head, but I never lived it in my heart) until He broke me.]
5.
Am I willing to wait for His answer?
Am I willing to obey whatever He tells me? What do I fear He might say, and why?
[Dig and
pray to see if there is any resistance to waiting and obeying. We have to be willing to wait and willing to
obey if God is going to answer.
Sometimes we are so hung up on doing what we want to do that we are not
yet ready to obey what He will ask us to do.
Ask yourself if you are truly willing to obey whatever He asks, to take
the next step when He reveals it.]
6.
How do I expect God to answer?
How might my expectations be hindering me from sensing His leading?
[If we sit
in front of one closed door, praying and waiting for that door alone to open,
we may miss out on the door that He actually does open. Are you waiting for your expectations to be
fulfilled or are you willing to go where He leads? Admit your expectations to Him and offer them
to the Lord to change as He wills.]
7.
Has God already answered me, but I have forgotten or ignored it?
[Sometimes,
God has given us the instructions on how to handle a certain request, but we may
not want to do it, so we “ignore” it. Or
maybe we just forgot what He said and went off in our own wisdom. It may be wise to consider this, if we are
wondering why God is not answering us.
Maybe He already did. Or maybe He
has granted you the wisdom to handle it yourself.]
8.
Is there any sin between God and myself right now? Am I living in
obedience?
[You know, I
was thinking about my tendency to get discouraged about God’s slowness in
answering. And it dawned on me how
little I was concerned with God’s discouragement over my slowness to obey. I don’t want to accept His “halfhearted,”
slow attempts to respond to me; but I want Him to accept my halfhearted, slow
attempts to respond to Him. Convicting!]
9.
Am I following the biblical truths about effective prayer?
[Click on
the “Understanding God’s Will” label at https://myimpressionisticlife.blogspot.com for an in-depth study of some of
these biblical guidelines for effective prayer.
Once again, though, these are not steps we go through to get God’s
answers. They are steps to get more of
God and to let Him get more of us.]
10.
Do I really want what I am praying for?
What might I actually fear about getting this answer?
[Such as, we
ask for healing of a chronic condition, but are we really ready to go back to a
normal life with all of its demands? We
pray that God gives us a certain position, but do we really want that job and
the work it entails? We pray that God
brings us a new job, but do we really want to go through the effort of finding
it, applying for it, and switching places?
We pray for a healthy marriage, but are we willing to clean up our act
if God reveals the ways we are failing in our marriage?
Sometimes, even
with something we really do want, there is a part of us that is not ready for
the answer. Is this the case with your
request? If so, confess these fears or
concerns to God, and ask for His help to accept the answer that He gives and to
obey.
I wonder
sometimes if God expects us to start living like we want the answer before He
gives it, and yet we are waiting for Him to give the answer before we start
living like we want it. You know, like
praying for health. We ask God to grant
it, and then we wait for His answer to come before we start engaging in a
healthy lifestyle. But maybe God expects
us to start making the healthy choices before He grants the health.
Maybe He expects us to live like we
trust Him with our finances before He grants extra financial blessings. Maybe He expects us to live like we want to
give up certain bad behaviors or choices before He grants us the strength and
stamina to overcome them. Maybe He wants
us to take a step of faith in the direction we want to go before He grants our
request.
I mean,
consider how Jesus asks a person He is healing to do the very thing that they
came to Him for . . . before they saw any evidence that He answered them. He says to the paralytic to get up and walk. He tells the man with the withered hand to
stretch it out. And then, as they show
their faith and live out the thing that they asked Him for, He answers their
prayer.
Yet, so
often, we want to see evidence of the answered prayer – we want Jesus to do His
part and prove to us that He will answer us – before we do ours and live like
we want the answer and believe He can do it.
Just something to think about.
Are you, in any way, living like you don’t want or expect His answer or
like you want Him to move first before you step out in faith?
Now, this
doesn’t mean that we will get whatever we ask for as long as we are taking
steps toward it. It still has to be
God’s Will for us if He’s going to grant it.
And it doesn’t mean that we can just take steps in any direction that we
want. We need to be sensitive to Him the
whole way and to be willing for Him to change our direction. But do we really want what we are asking for,
enough to take steps in that direction and face the changes that will happen if
it is granted?]
11.
Am I learning to praise in the pain and the silence?
[No matter
what, it is His Will to praise Him. This
is not because He is some ego-centric God that needs our praise. Yes, He deserves it, but it’s also for our
benefit. Praise is the enemy of fear and
panic. And praise keeps the Enemy at
bay. And you don’t need to “feel like
it” to offer praise, either. I never
understood this. But I realize now that
we praise out of our wills, too, just like we obey out of our wills. And we praise because He deserves it. Because He is God and we are not. And once you begin to know God as He really
is, without all the misconceptions ruining your view of Him, praise comes a lot
more naturally.
But when you
are still in a time of waiting - especially when you don’t feel like doing it -
praise God for anything and everything you can think of. It will put you into a better place
emotionally and a better place to hear Him, because you are acknowledging His
Godhood in your life. If you are really
struggling with His silence or with discouragement, start a list of all the
things you are thankful for. But if any
negative feelings or thoughts do pop up, do not just ignore them. Talk to God about them. This will draw Him nearer to you.
(I had to do
this during the four depressing months that I felt like a huge failure. I started my 1,000 Gifts From God list, where
I am recording all the things I am thankful for. And it really helped to pull me from the
depressing spiral I was in. By simply
reviewing the ways He has blessed me in the past – even through bittersweet
times – and by taking time to notice a beautiful daisy or how much I love
watching the birds at the birdfeeders, I was able to focus more on the silver
lining than on the storm clouds. And it
warmed my heart and made me feel His presence, pulling me out of the despair
and gloom that tried to swallow me whole.
Give it a try, too. You won’t be
sorry!)]
12.
Will I persevere or will I give up on God?
[Every
heart-breaking trial is an opportunity to choose who will be our god: Us or the
Father. It’s a challenge to decide if we
will cling to Him or turn away. I think
sometimes God allows trials so that we answer this question: Who is on the
throne in our lives? Through trials, God
challenges us to pick a side, to make up our minds, to get off the throne.
And once
again, I think God wants warriors. He
wants strong Christians who know how to hang in there when the going gets
tough. And this can only happen by being
challenged, by practicing those skills and disciplines that are so necessary to
effective spiritual battle, and by leaning fully on God. And dealing with His silence is a great time
to practice this and to decide that you will dig in your heels and place your
trust in Him. If you will not let
anything take your focus from pursuing God, you will find Him.]
13.
If my situation never changes, can I be okay with that?
[I think
that somewhere along the way, we need to face this question and make a decision
about it. If our situation never
changes, can we still bring God glory in it?
Or will we get bitter and depressed?
To give God the right to answer our prayer as He wishes (which He has
the right to do anyway, whether or not we like it) means allowing Him to say,
“No.” And at that point, we have three
options: reject it and go our own way, get depressed or bitter, or accept it
and pray, “Lord, please use me the way I am to bring You glory.”
Some of us
may be asked to settle into the place that we are in and to learn how to bring
God glory through it. Maybe it’s a
chronic illness. Maybe it’s constant
financial need. Maybe it’s a deep sense
of loneliness. Maybe it’s an unfulfilled
dream. An unsatisfying job or marriage
or whatever. But whatever it is, we have
the choice to bring Him glory or not.
With the scars and pain and all.
And just
because He doesn’t answer the way we want doesn’t mean that He doesn’t care or
isn’t close. He is definitely close, as
close as we want Him to be. And He
definitely cares, but He also has unknown reasons for why He answers the way He
does. And, while it’s hard for many of
us, it’s not always for us to know His reasons.
Our job is simply to bring Him glory, wherever He places us. Someday, all things will be redeemed and all
things will be clear.]
14.
But if I have done all the searching of my heart that I can do and have
tried everything I can think of to get God to act, what else is left when
waiting on God for an answer?
[I would say
that the best thing you could do is to get on with living in other areas. After presenting your request and seeking His
guidance (and maybe godly counsel), get on with obedience in other areas of
your life while you wait on Him for an answer.
Try to hear Him in the areas He is not silent in. Focus on glorifying God in whatever task He
has given you today, keeping your eyes, ears, and heart on God and open
for His leading. And if you cannot do
anything to help yourself at this point because it’s all resting on God, do
what you can to pour your life into others.
I’ll admit
something here. I have always been a
lonely person. And I have prayed for
deeper friendships, and I have sought to establish relationships with others at
various times. But many of these efforts
didn’t work, and I still found myself lonely.
And I lamented this for years, feeling like something was wrong with me
and like it had to be different for me to be happy.
But one day,
it hit me that if I was always a lonely person, I might always be a lonely
person. And I could spend my time and
energy grieving it and fighting it, or I could embrace it and learn to live
with it and glorify God through it. And
so one day, I prayed, “Lord, if I am always going to be a lonely person, help
me be the best, most God-glorifying lonely person I can be. Use my loneliness to open my eyes to the pain
and needs of others, so that I can touch their lives and bring a little of Your
light to them.”
Any you know
what? This shift in my thinking has led
to many delightful moments when I can reach out to others and brighten their
day just a little bit, moments when I can let them see the love of Christ
flowing through me, reaching out to them.
Maybe it’s by buying a chicken for the man that forgot his money, or by
helping pick up someone’s dropped blueberries in the store, or by standing up
for someone that is being picked on by the neighborhood bully, or simply by
stopping by to welcome a new person to the neighborhood.
Yes, I am
still “lonely,” but I am learning to let God fill that need instead of trying
to use others to fill it. And by letting
God meet my needs, I am free to reach out to others for their benefit, instead
of seeking them out to meet some need of mine.
It’s been an incredible, crazy journey.
Switching
tracks here now: I want to take a moment
to look at Matthew 7:7-8: “Ask and it will
be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to
you. For everyone who asks receives; he
who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.”
I used to
think that this verse was basically just talking about asking; it was
just saying the same thing in three different ways to drive the point
home. Ask, seek, and knock all meant
“pray for it.” Just pray and wait. But I am beginning to think that it’s
actually a three-fold process to getting whatever God wants us to have, His
Will for our lives.
(I need to
note, though, that in my Bible’s footnotes, it says that “good gifts” refers to
spiritual gifts, not so much physical gifts.
And in Luke’s account of this passage, Luke 11:9-13, it doesn’t even say “good gifts”; it says “the Holy
Spirit.” So I think the best way to
understand this passage is that it’s not so much teaching about getting
physical things, gifts, or answers, but it’s about getting what we need for our
spiritual walks, starting with getting the Holy Spirit when we pray to receive
Christ as Lord and Savior. But I think
it can also be considered good advice for finding God’s Will in and for our
lives.)
While
sometimes it is necessary to just pray and wait, God doesn’t always ask us to
wait passively. And I’m beginning to
believe that the “ask, seek, and knock” passage is not saying “ask, ask, and
ask,” but that it’s giving us three different ways of finding God’s Will. And I think this is a wise, biblical approach
to waiting on God about a request.
First, we
have to ask with our mouths, to put our requests into prayer.
Then, we
have to seek with our eyes. This isn’t
necessarily doing any action, but it’s waiting and watching for how He may be
answering that prayer, keeping our eyes open in expectancy. (Of course, we need to pray for the wisdom to
be discerning, knowing that the answer may not be what we expected and that He
may end up pruning our requests and desires until they look like His.)
And finally,
we put feet on our desire to do His Will by knocking; knock on several doors to
see which one opens. Basically, explore
the options, test the doorknobs, and pray for a discerning heart to know which
one God might be opening. (And it may
not be the door that we thought it would be or the one that we knocked on the
most.) But the right one will open, in
God’s time and in God’s way.
If we
neglect asking, we are doing our own thing, following our own path. If we neglect seeking, we are not looking for
or waiting for God’s leading. And if we
neglect knocking, we never get around to doing anything.
Now, to say
it a little differently, if we were to just ask - without seeking and knocking
- then we would be wanting to take the easy way out. We would be believing that if God wants it to
happen, it’ll happen no matter what we do or don’t do.
“All I have
to do is ask and then do nothing until God brings it.” But we would be neglecting our part to make
His answer and His Will a reality.
“Well, I
prayed that God would use me to help others, but nothing ever hit me in the
face.” Really? Because if we would just seek and knock, we
would find tons of these opportunities.
Don’t use “waiting on God in prayer” as an excuse to be lazy and
self-absorbed.
Moving on,
if we were to just seek - without asking or knocking - then we would be
desiring to do something for Him, but without praying about it or actually
doing it. It’s the thought that
counts, right? And we would comfort
ourselves with the knowledge that we are keeping our eyes open, yet we would be
neglecting to ask God what He wants for us (because we don’t really want to
know) and we would never get around to actually doing anything. Just sitting on the sidelines, looking like
we are so busy looking for ways to serve Him.
(But not really wanting to find any, not wanting to really get off the
bench and get in the game.)
And lastly,
if we were to knock, without asking or seeking, then we would be rushing out to
do things for Him or to do “His Will”, without asking what His Will is and
without taking the time to watch for His answer. God oftentimes works a lot slower than we do,
and we need to be willing to wait on Him.
Even when we feel like we are sitting at the starting line, spinning our
wheels.
However, I
also see it not only as a three-fold plan for prayer, but also as a guideline
for dealing with three different kinds of prayer requests that have three
different levels of responsibility on our parts.
First, there
are the kinds of requests that we can’t do anything about ourselves. The kind where we are totally dependent on
God to provide. These are the times that
we ask and receive. It’s our
responsibility to ask and to wait, and it’s God’s right to give or not give.
And second, there are the times when
the answer to our request (or when God’s Will for us) is out there somewhere,
waiting to be discovered. If we seek it in prayer and by looking around,
we will find it. These may be prayers like, “What do you want
me to do about . . .” or “Help me get healthy,” or “How can I have a better
marriage, Lord?” The answers are out
there, but we have a responsibility to pray for the wisdom to find them and to
look for them.
And then there is the next level, the
times when it seems as though all you have in front of you are closed
doors. Doors that will remain closed
unless you get forceful and knock on the doors of heaven in prayer and on the
doors of opportunity on earth. These
might be the seemingly “impossible” times, the times when it is only possible
by the grace and power of God. Mission
opportunities, the chance to reach closed people, times you need to be bold and
work hard to see God’s Will get done despite opposition. These bold requests and our knocking are what makes the impossible
possible and opens the door, if God
so allows it. By His grace and for His
glory!
Three different kinds of situations
and prayers, three different levels of efforts and responsibility on our
parts.
If you find yourself during a time of
waiting, don’t feel like it’s wasted, fruitless time. Ask, seek and knock. But wait until all three of the Keys for
knowing God’s Will line up: guidance
from the inside (the leading of the Holy Spirit, your conscience, and your
heart’s impressions), indications from the outside (godly counsel, open doors, circumstances
falling into place, etc.), and confirmation from God’s Word.
But while you wait for this, get on
with the rest of your life. Turn your
focus outward to the needs of others. No
matter how long the wait is, commit yourself to doing the job that God put in
your path Today, to the best of your ability and for God’s glory. Be faithful in all areas of your life,
trusting Him with the requests that you have put before Him. He is listening. He will move when it is time. His job is to answer; your job is to ask,
seek, knock, and be faithfully obedient Today.
And whatever job He has already given
you, be faithful to follow it through to the end, knowing that He will reveal
the next step when you are done with this one.
Resist the urge to detour or drop the job He gave you just because you
are anxious to do something else or to see something – anything – happen. Trust that He is working behind the scenes to
give you the best possible answer and to get you into the best possible
position to receive it. Just keep your
focus on Him and it will happen when the time is right.]
