[I am updating these posts to make them shorter and better, and with more Bible verses. Click here for the updated introduction.]
Through the Refining Fire: Your “Sweetly Broken” Journey
A heart-and-faith-changing
workbook for those who like to read about someone else’s journey, think deeply
about their own, ask the hard questions, challenge themselves, and journal.
Intro 1: Do You Want More?
In John
10:10, Jesus says, “I have come that they may have life, and have it to the
full.”
Okay, now,
let me ask this: How many of us really
feel that we are living our lives to the fullest? Abundant lives? Vibrant lives? Eternally-effective lives? I’m going to suspect that most of us are just
hoping to make it through the day, maybe accomplishing one extra chore on our
To Do list. Just so we can fall
exhausted into bed, and then wake up tomorrow and do it all over again.
We are
overloaded, stretched-thin, and ready to break . . . or we’re just plain
bored. We feel alone, unimportant, and
overlooked. We go through the motions
each day without any sense of deep joy or satisfaction or accomplishment. Does anything we do really matter? We desperately want life to be “more”. . . or
we just really want a vacation.
And the
Christian life isn’t very exciting to us, either. It’s not the joyful journey that we expected
it to be. It feels like work. We have to smile pleasantly, sing and pray
well, serve our time, and look like we have it all together so that we can measure
up to others and impress God. Or . . .
we’re just plain bored. Church is all
just monotonous messages, sleepy music, and an hour of trying not to fall
asleep. But at least we had a chance to
get our grocery list planned . . . if we managed to stay awake. And we got our brownie point for the day just
by being there. Right?
Where is
this abundant, vibrant life that we were promised? What does that even look like? Where is the love and joy and peace? Life is just so hard and discouraging, feeling
like it’s all up to us. Always trying,
yet never feeling good enough. And we
wonder why we are so tired and why life is joyless.
But it
doesn’t have to be this way. There is a
different way, a better way. The way of
brokenness.
I wrote about my journey through
the furnace in the Child of Mine
posts at https://sweetlybrokengirl.blogspot.com. And as you could tell, when I was going
through it, it really hurt. At different
times, it was confusing, depressing, emotionally painful, discouraging, and
frustrating. It hurt most to feel
abandoned by God, to wonder if He really cared or was listening.
But God knew
that the pain and the confusion were necessary.
And in His graciousness and wisdom, He led me (rather reluctantly and
unwittingly) from being a confident, smug person who could stand on her own two
feet … to a broken, humbled person who fell down exhausted at His.
And now,
standing on the other side of it, I am humbled by the depth of His love for me
and my love for Him. I was a Christian
for over two decades before I learned to live in the wonder of His amazing
love. My relationship with Him used to
be based on my fears, but now it is based on His love. And it feels so different from how I used to
live my life. It has drawn me closer to
Him and deepened my relationship with Him more than I ever thought
possible. That alone is worth the pain
of all those trials. Life is so much
more than I ever thought it could be.
And I wouldn’t trade my time in the furnace for anything.
Are you
curious about what life could be, safe in His love? Do you want more? Are you willing to face the heat that
produces those kinds of lasting, meaningful changes? If so, you may be ready to face the "refining fire," the furnace of pain, of hard work, that purifies our faith, heals our wounds, and grows our relationship with the Lord. And I would like to challenge
you to consider stepping forward on your own journey. I want to encourage you to become more
deliberate in your walk with God, to seek to be broken before the Lord - to be
humbled before Him - so that your life can become all that He (and you) wants
it to be. It’s not going to be
comfortable. It’s not going to be easy
or painless. But it’s going to be worth
it. So, so worth it!
Now, just to
clarify, I use the terms “brokenness” and “being humbled” nearly
synonymously. I think they are virtually
the same thing; brokenness leads to a humbled heart. You can’t have one without the other. However, there is a small distinction in my
mind. There is a difference between
being in a state of brokenness (humility) and going through the process of
brokenness.
And just to
be clear, this is not the same kind of “broken” that we talk about when we say
that we have a broken heart or come from broken pasts or broken homes. I am not talking about an unhealthy, damaged,
incomplete kind of broken, but a brokenness where we are broken of everything
that keeps us in bondage and that keeps us away from a complete, healing
relationship with our Heavenly Father.
I think that
eventually every Christian is called to “brokenness.” But not everyone goes through the process of
brokenness the same way or to the same degree.
There are some people who have always been sensitive to God’s leading in
their lives, who have built up few walls between themselves and God, and who
have pretty much remained dependent on Him and humbled before Him their whole
Christian walk.
And then
there are others, like me, who have lived their lives with many strong walls
and fears. And we would never face them
or overcome them on our own. And so God
puts us through the furnace. And the
process of being broken is a little more “severe” or difficult because He has
to apply more heat and pressure than others might need.
And then
there are others who so strongly refuse to be broken for so long that they
don’t even care or realize that their relationship with God isn’t what it should
be. And it takes a monumental crisis to
break them. However, they can still
choose to ignore what God is trying to do in their lives, and they will remain
in the state of fear and self-protection and self-sufficiency until the end of
their lives, to the detriment of their own spiritual life and their
relationships with themselves and others.
Yes, it
might be hard, but we shouldn’t fear brokenness. We should desire it and seek after it. It’s what helps break down our walls, fears,
misconceptions, and sinful strongholds. When
we are broken of our self-sufficiency, we learn to rely on Him and only
Him. When we are broken of our need for
control, we learn to follow Him instead of lead. When we are broken of our fear of being
unworthy, we stop trying to earn His unconditional love and become free to live
in it. When we are broken of our
misconceptions, we begin to live in Truth.
And when all these things happen, among others, we find out what it
means to be humble like a child.
“He called a little child and had him stand among
them. And he said: ‘I tell you the truth, unless you change and
become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this
child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.’“ (Matthew
18:2-4).
Whoever
humbles himself like a child! This, I
believe, should be the ultimate goal of every believer. Now, everyone has their own slightly
different take on what humility is, and here’s mine:
Humility is recognizing
and freely admitting that we are needy, helpless, and dependent. It’s knowing that we need our Heavenly Father
desperately, that we are helpless to do anything without Him, and that we are
fully dependent on Him daily. It’s
knowing that everything is by His power and for His glory. It’s wanting nothing more than seeing Him
glorified by and in our lives. And it’s
resting in and trusting His goodness and love, no matter what happens.
To me, this
is what it means to be humbled, to be sweetly broken.
But being
humbled is not something that just happens to us; it is something we have to
actively seek. We have to change,
with the Holy Spirit’s help and leading.
We have to humble ourselves (open ourselves up to the work of the
Holy Spirit) if we want to be great in the kingdom of heaven - not great for
our sakes, but great for the Lord’s glory.
We should be seeking humility because God can use and be glorified by a
humble person. His glory shines when we
are not living for ours.
And we
should be seeking it because it’s what we need, to be resting in His arms
instead of fighting to do it all on our own.
And it’s also the road to genuine healing, the healing of old wounds and
of our fractured, incomplete relationships with ourselves, with others, and
with the Lord. Being broken is what’s
best for believers, even if it sounds scary and the process is painful.
When we are
living life for ourselves and in our own strength, life will be hard,
exhausting, joyless, and “less than” what we thought it would be. But if we ever allow ourselves to get to the
point of brokenness before God, we will experience the kind of life that we
were meant to live. It will be vibrant,
alive, meaningful, and powerful. It
won’t necessarily be easier or more comfortable. But we’ll find more peace, joy, and security
as we face life from the safety of His loving arms. And this is why I am issuing this challenge;
I want others to experience the kind of relationship with Him that we were made
for.
Maybe right now you are thinking, Can’t
I reach brokenness without the pain, without going through the furnace?
Maybe. But I think that would be the exception
rather than the rule. Too many of us
reach adulthood with deep scars. And
we’ve wrapped them up in thick bandages to keep ourselves from feeling
pain. But these scars affect us
deeply. They affect how we think about
and relate to ourselves, others, and God.
And they affect our ability to let Him love us, bless us, and use
us.
When we seek
to be humbled before God, it usually means pain because He doesn’t just apply
new bandages and let us walk around with deep scars. He desires complete healing for us … and that
means ripping off the old bandages, digging down deep to clean out the
infection and scar tissue, and applying the necessary ointment to heal it.
And it
probably won’t be until it’s all over that we’ll see the tender, loving care of
our Father and how gently He tended to our wounds . . . for our best and for
His glory. All we’ll notice as we’re
going through it is how much it hurts.
(But once again, He will be there with us. Trust me on this. Trust Him
on this!)
But if you
are willing to face the pain - to open your heart to God and to tackle your
fears and your insecurities - you will grow.
If you are willing to die to self and to wait in faith on God’s timing
as He molds you, you will find healing.
If you are willing to be pruned of anything that doesn’t bring Him glory
and isn’t for your best, you will be transformed into a powerful, bold witness
for Him. And if you are willing to be
obedient - whatever God asks of you - you will know what it means to love and
fear the Lord and to trust Him with all your heart.
I think it’s
just a fact that God has to use pain to get our attention and to grow us. We live in a constant state of
self-preservation, particularly to keep from feeling pain and feeling
out-of-control. We like the
predictability of comfort and the status quo.
And we like having a tight grip on our circumstances.
But we don’t tend to grow through
times of comfort and pain-avoidance.
They just make us more . . . well . . . comfortable. Comfortable, lazy, sleepy, and self-serving
in our Christian walks. And God isn’t
content to let us stay that way. He
knows that it’s not best for us or for His glory. And so the pain comes . . . to break us of
self-sufficiency, of our fears, our walls, our misconceptions, our lazy
disciplines, and our need to “play God” in our lives.
Satan would
love to keep us so afraid of the process of true healing - so afraid of the
pain - that we never truly heal or grow or have a complete relationship with
our Heavenly Father. But we will be
stunted in our ability to enjoy Him, trust Him, praise Him, glorify Him, and
live in His love. And this will affect
the impact that we have on His kingdom.
But when we
finally get tired of “trying” in our own strength - of keeping all the balls up
in the air, the skeletons in the closet, or the smiles on our faces - when we
are finally ready to get real with Him and to humble ourselves before Him as a
child (instead of acting like a self-sufficient, in-control adult), then He can
work true healing in our lives.
I say all
this up front so that you understand what to expect on this journey. The pain is normal and necessary. His silence is normal, also. Incredibly painful, but normal. But His silence doesn’t mean that He doesn’t
care or isn’t listening to us. In fact,
it may be a time for growth - the “Graduate School of Faith,” as my Pastor Bob
called it.
And this is
what, I believe, happens in the refining fire, in the furnace.
His silence during this time helps us learn to dig deeper and to reach
higher in our walks with Him. It helps
us uncover deeply hidden hindrances to a complete and authentic relationship
with Him. It helps us see the walls,
fears, and insecurities that are hidden, even from our own eyes.
And life
will never be the same.
I would love
to challenge you to strive for this, by allowing the Holy Spirit to lead you
through your own furnace. But this is
not a passive experience. It will take
being conscientious and deliberate and thoughtful. It will take lots of prayer and Bible reading
and learning to listen to the Spirit. It
will mean doing the scary things that many of us avoid - allowing the Spirit to
dig deep into our hearts and minds to reveal things that need to be addressed,
changed, pruned, or corrected. It takes
authenticity and transparency.
And we need
to be committed to obey whatever He tells us to do, in His Word and in
prayer. There can be no growth
apart from a willingness to hear and obey.
If we are not willing to obey and to take the steps that God tells us,
we can’t expect Him to lead us. And we
ultimately shut the door of our hearts and lives to Him. He can’t bring about change and pour out the
blessings of brokenness on us if we are resistant to obeying Him.
God does not
force us to change. It comes from our
willingness to submit to Him, our willingness to fall down at His feet and say,
“You are God and I am not! Your Will be
done in my life.” (Which is, in a short
sentence, the core of humility). It is
our job to open our hearts, through honesty, and to allow the Holy Spirit
access to all parts of our hearts and lives.
It’s God’s job to lead us to change as He sees fit. Because, after all, He is the one that we are
trying to resemble more and more. So we
need to let Him be the one to lead us in the process of growth.
I say all
this because I know that we are people of action. We want to have the control, we want to lead,
and we want to be able to get quickly from point A to point B. But that is not how God works. He is not manipulated or controlled by our
efforts or desires. He does not work
according to our schedule. We cannot
force His hand. We do not lead in the
journey to brokenness. We cannot earn
His grace or His blessings or create in ourselves a humble, pure heart. No amount of singing or serving at church or
tithing or good acts or “following the steps” will create humility in us.
It is only
by laying all of our attempts and efforts and fears and walls and confidence
down at His feet that we will know brokenness.
And this is why I unashamedly say that we need to base this journey on
the Bible and prayer, those fuddy-duddy disciplines of old. The Bible is where we learn about God as He
has revealed Himself to be and ourselves as He sees us, and prayer is how we
build and maintain a relationship with Him and get His Will done.
Unfortunately,
I think many of us fall into the trap of “emotional experience.” We want some sort of emotional high that
comes with seeing God’s hand move mightily and miraculously in our lives and in
the world. We want “feelings” and
fireworks, and so we forsake “old-fashioned disciplines” because they are not
exciting enough.
I would
venture to say that we all want the results of being humbled or broken, but
most of us don’t want to put the energy and effort into seeking it. And we fear the process and the pain that is
necessary to get there. We have gotten
too comfortable, too self-serving. We
are a “me-focused” society. We spend our
money, time, and energy on satisfying our cravings and desires for temporary
things:
- more food
and faster food
- feel-good/self-serving
hobbies
- feel-good/self-serving
religion or religious experiences
- bigger and
more beautiful cars and homes
- more toys
to make us happy
- movies and
entertainment
- fitness
and the pursuit of health and youth
- attention,
success, and congratulations
- sexual or
selfish pleasures
- and the
entire world/social network in the palm of our hands
Now, there
is nothing wrong with most of those blessings and pursuits. Improving ourselves and enjoying life is not
inherently wrong. What is wrong is when
our focus on God is eclipsed by them. When we focus more on the gift than the
Giver. When we settle for temporary,
instead of eternity. We can’t glorify
God with our lives when this happens.
When blessings, possessions, and pursuits become more than they should
be, they end up consuming us. They
become idols! We passionately pursue
them, instead of passionately pursuing God.
But,
unfortunately . . . we are too comfortable to notice or care! And this keeps us from a deep, exciting,
living relationship with Him. We are
just too concerned with our comfort. We
don’t want to be challenged; we want to relax.
Of course, we do want to pray and hear from God. But not enough to pray too early, too late,
or too often in our day. Not enough to
dwell on Him while we do dishes or wait in line. Not enough to delve deeply into His Word
before we start our busy days.
And we fear
what He may ask us to do or convict us of.
We give lip service to having faith in Him and wanting to glorify Him,
but we don’t desire it deeply enough to enter the refining fire. We want to be comfortable. And we are too busy to give Him the kind of
thought and effort that He asks of us. Isn’t it enough that I go to church and help
out there?
Deuteronomy
4:29: “But if from
there you seek the Lord your God, you will find him if you look for him with
all your heart and with all your soul.” And Hebrews 11:6 says that He rewards those who “earnestly seek him.” With all
your heart and soul . . . earnestly
seeking Him.
And yet, we
coast through life. And we wonder why it
seems so dull, confusing, and un-worthwhile.
I admit that I am guilty of this.
I have been a Christian for a long time.
And while I have put time and energy into seeking Him and deepening my
faith throughout the years, I still feel like much of my life was spent
coasting.
It was like
I believed that I could just live my life - focused on my own little world -
and God would do what God wanted to do.
I always tried to be sensitive to Him and to stay near Him, but somehow
my focus was still on me and my nice, little life. And I was more about my pleasing “Christian
performance” than about living life humbly and transparently with Him. And I related to Him out of my fears, instead
of out of love.
And there is
a BIG difference between the two.
One causes
pain; the other causes peace.
One leads to
confusion and drudgery; the other leads to life and joy.
For years, I
wasn’t seeking Him earnestly, with all my heart and soul. My strength was spent living my life. My strength was in my self-sufficiency. And I protected my heart from Him, instead of
opening it up to Him. And so God had to
bring me to a point where I learned that my self-sufficiency wasn’t enough, and
that I was being robbed of life. He
helped me learn that I really needed His love to flood all parts of my heart,
even the scarred parts. The parts I
protected and kept closed-off. And like
I said, it hurt. But I am so thankful
for the pain. It has helped me to live
in His love like never before. It has
brought healing and meaning and joy.
And now, I
have become consumed with a desire for Him: to see Him in my life, to hear Him,
to glorify Him, and to have a part in reaching other people for Him. I feel more alive in my walk than I ever
have, and more and more driven to remain close to Him each and every day. Because He has taken His rightful place in my
life and heart. (Not that I do
everything right every day. I’m still
human.)
[Update:
Times have continued to get tougher since writing this. And while my faith falters at times and feels
lifeless at times, I still cling to Him.
Because I know that my feelings are not Truth. He alone is Truth. And He alone has the words of life. And so even when times are tough and faith hurts,
I cling to that which I know is true, trusting that He will work it all
together for good. I add this update so
that you don’t have a false, “rosy” view of what life in Christ is like after
the furnace. It still hurts. It has its ups-and-downs and can be a daily
battle. But my security is found in the
Lord, not in the circumstances of this life.]
I want to
stress something again, we need to get back into the Word and prayer if
we are going to relate to God as He really is, and not according to our own
ideas of who He is. I feel that I need
to stress this because there seems to be a general attitude out there that
“Yeah, prayer and the Bible are important, and I know I should pray more and
read more, but . . .”
Like
anything worth having, a proper relationship with the Lord takes effort,
deliberateness, and diligence. And this,
I fear, is what prevents most people from growing. We like to use the least amount of effort
possible to get the max amount of rewards.
We like to take as many shortcuts as we can find.
But this
will not work when it comes to brokenness and humility, to true healing. You will get out of it what you put into
it. If you approach it with a casual
attitude, you will get surface results.
If you retreat when the furnace gets hot or keep part of your heart
closed off, you will get partial results.
If you take this challenge in your own efforts and wisdom or for your
own glory, you will get false results that will burn up in the end. And if you attempt this journey without a
reliance on prayer and the Word, you will not get any results worth having.
Now, if you
are one who seeks to avoid pain at all costs and can’t bear to take too close
of a look at your life, feelings, thoughts, and shortcomings, you are probably
not ready for this challenge. And for
the people who have been hurt by life too much to risk vulnerability and
brokenness, I pray that there may be a time for this in the near future. Because you will be incomplete and full of
scars until you do, until you learn to accept that the Lord loves you. It’s not easy, I know . . . opening yourself
up to His love. But it is so
necessary.
But if you
allow yourself to go through the refining fire, the furnace, I think there are some changes that
you can expect to see in your life, indicators of genuine brokenness and
humility:
1.
You will have an unquenchable hunger and thirst to hear from the Lord -
through His Word and through prayer.
Reading the Bible and praying won’t just be “duties” anymore; they will
be life-lines. And you will be aware
that every time you open the Bible and pray, you are meeting the holy and
magnificent - and yet personal and relatable - God of the universe.
2.
When you face a difficulty or trial or choice, your first instinct will
be to run to God about it. You will lay
your request before Him in prayer and search the Word (and seek godly advice)
for guidance.
3.
You will become more concerned with seeing Him glorified through your
words and actions than you will be with your own desires and plans for
yourself. You will desire that He is
seen, and you’ll be content to be invisible and to shift the focus to Him and
to give Him all the glory.
4.
You’ll focus more on the eternal than you will on the temporal. And so you’ll be more concerned with the
eternal souls of other people than you will be with their behavior and
attitudes or with your own “nice, little life.”
5.
People won’t just be annoyances or bothers to you. You’ll look past their rough exteriors and
the insults and injuries they inflict, and you’ll see them as God’s dearly
loved children. You’ll realize that the
fronts they put up are because of pain and fear. They are not “idiots” or “a**holes.” They are hurting people who need God’s love
and grace and forgiveness, just like you do.
And this will lead you to desire to live in a way that reflects God even
more, to reach out to them with a kind word or deed or prayer, to extend grace
and forgiveness to them, to have compassion on them. So that they may see Christ through you.
6.
You’ll be aware of the spiritual battle that rages around you, (without
being overly preoccupied with spirits and demons and angels) and you’ll desire
to be effective in it. And you’ll know
that to do that means seeking righteousness, maintaining your spiritual armor,
and refusing to be a “comfortable Christian.”
You’ll also be aware that every action and word is witnessed not only by
the physical world, but by the spiritual.
And so you’ll be more careful about how you live and speak.
7.
You’ll become concerned with seeking righteousness because it glorifies
and pleases God, not just because you are “supposed to” do it. And consequently, you’ll spend time searching
your life, home, and heart to see if anything is quenching the Holy Spirit,
blocking God, or is displeasing or dishonoring to Him. Because you will want your life to be a
“living sacrifice” for Him. Not because
of fear, but because of love.
8.
But you’ll also know that you can’t handle life, make the right
decisions, or live righteously on your own.
God alone will become your source of strength and wisdom. And so you’ll strive to be sensitive to the
Holy Spirit’s leading and wisdom in prayer and throughout your day. You’ll search the Word for what God expects
out of you and how you can improve. Once
again, not out of fear or just for the sake of improving, but because you’ll be
living out your love for Him and out of His love for you.
9.
And when you blow it, you’ll seek forgiveness and realign yourself with
God’s truth and heart. Because you will
know that nothing can separate you from His love and that you are incomplete
unless you are walking with Him.
10.
You’ll be learning to trust God with your life and, especially, with
your finances and future. Which means
that you’ll seek to do your part to obey, and leave the results up to Him. You’ll do the job God has given you and trust
in His promise to lead you and to meet your needs.
11.
You’ll take your job to pray for others and to look out for their
welfare seriously. You’ll feel deeply
that it’s your job to live as godly a life as possible as a witness to them and
to spread His truth when opportunities arise.
But you’ll also know that it’s God’s job to change hearts. And so you’ll be content to be the
seed-planter or the waterer or the harvester (if God so allows), but you won’t
try to force others to change or believe as you do. Because only the Spirit can change
hearts. You’ll gracefully stand by your
convictions, but you won’t condemn others for not agreeing. Even God allows us to believe as we want to
and to choose as we want to. (And He
allows the consequences that go with them!)
12. Probably the hardest of all, you’ll have
gotten to a point (usually through pain and trials) where you can say, “I know
that God is good and that He loves me, regardless of my difficult and painful
circumstances. And I will cling to Him
and praise Him, no matter what.” This, I
have to say, is probably the last and hardest step in brokenness - to
vulnerably and humbly lay down in His arms and say, “I trust You and I trust in
Your goodness and love, regardless of what happens in my life.” So even when the path looks dark and you see
no end in sight, you’ll still be able to praise Him and say, “I believe that
You will work all things out for good in the end, because I love You and I know
that You love me.”
And this is
what drives my desire to call other people up to being deliberate about seeking
humility. I want this kind of life for
others. I strive for it myself. There is life and vitality and strength and
joy and peace and hope just waiting for us if we would seek Him with all our
strength, minds, hearts, and souls. So
don’t be comfortable! Don’t be
lazy! Be Bold! Be Deliberate! Just Don’t . . . Be . . . Comfortable!
Many believers have
been forced to die for their faith in Christ.
But are the rest of us really living
for Him!?!
