Likewise, spiritual growth – the toughening up of our faith - doesn’t usually happen in times of ease and comfort, of being pampered. During the good, easy, happy times, we just end up focusing on our happiness, on enjoying life. We get comfortable, lazy, and self-focused. And we forget God. If there are no trials or hardships, then there’s no reason to change, to grow, to adjust our priorities, to develop our faith more, to need God.
Deuteronomy 8:10-19 (a warning to the Israelites before they entered the Promised Land): “When you have eaten and are satisfied, praise the Lord your God for the good land he has given you. Be careful that you do not forget the Lord your God, failing to observe his commands … Otherwise, when you eat and are satisfied, when you build fine houses and settle down, and when your herds and flocks grow large and your silver and gold increase and all you have is multiplied, then your heart will become proud and you will forget the Lord your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery… If you ever forget the Lord your God and follow other gods … you will surely be destroyed.”
God knows that our tendency during times of comfort and abundance is to turn from Him, to grow proud and self-sufficient, to focus on ourselves, to seek after more and more happiness, to turn to idols of the heart. (This is why He warned the Israelites before entering the Promised Land. He knew what all that comfort and blessing would do to them.)
Yes, God wants us to enjoy His blessings, but He also knows that we might end up basking in His gifts, instead of in Him. And so to remind us of who He is and how much we need Him, to get us to seek Him and grow in our faith, God often allows painful times in our lives - to bring us to the end of ourselves, of our abilities, our own wisdom and strength, our self-confidence, our self-sufficiency, etc. Sometimes we need to have our hard outer shells softened and cracked open, so that God can come in and growth can start. Sometimes God allows trials to batter us back and forth a bit - to develop our “strong stems” and “tough waxy leaves” - so that we can face the greater challenges of life without losing our hope or faith.
For many of us, it’s only when we are out of options and can’t rely on ourselves or the world anymore that we finally reach for God, realizing how truly helpless we are on our own and how much we need Him. And this is one reason why God allows pain. And why He keeps silent sometimes. Not only does He allow painful trials, but when we are facing our most painful moments and need Him the most, He often seems to withdraw from us, to grow silent, to stay hidden, making us wonder if He’s really there and really cares, or if He’s forgotten about us completely, or if He ever really existed in the first place.
Why? Why – when we are hurting the most and need Him the most – does He seem to pull away from us the most?
I think it’s because His silence during our trials is one of His most effective tools for refining our faith. It tests us like nothing else can, challenging us to decide if we really want Him as God or if we want to be our own gods, if we’ll wait on Him or go our own way, if we’ll listen to Him or to the world/ourselves, if we’ll take the godly road or the easy road. His silence causes us to wrestle with our faith, our expectations of Him and of prayer, our self-views, our pride, our doubts and fears, the reasons we believe in Him, etc. And the longer He is silent, the more we wrestle, and the more we learn and grow.
His silence is not abnormal. It’s part of the process of growth. There are reasons for His silence, even if we don’t know what they are. If you are experiencing frustrating, disheartening times of God’s silence – feeling abandoned by Him, forgotten by Him - remember that some of God’s “favorite” people did too. It’s part of how God operates.
For example, God promised a son to old, childless Abraham, but He made him wait decades before getting that son. Why did God make a promise to Abraham many years before fulfilling it? Why did God make him wait so long? I don’t know, but maybe it was to test what was in Abraham’s heart. Would Abraham still believe God even if He took “too long,” even if it didn’t look like anything was happening? Would Abraham still cling to God, even in his frustration, confusion, and disappointment, or would he give up on God in despair?
Well, Abraham proved that he had faith that God would fulfill His promise, even if He took a long time. But he also showed that he didn’t trust God’s timing. Abraham and his wife thought that God was taking too long and might need some help fulfilling His promise. And they decided to “help” God along a little. And so Abraham slept with Sarah’s maid, producing a son. But that son wasn’t the promised one. And Abraham’s haste created major family strife which is still in the world today. You see, God didn’t need help fulfilling His promise. He had a plan. He had His own timing. And His silence - decades of waiting - was part of the plan, for whatever reason.
And then there’s the Israelites, freed from slavery in Egypt but wandering the desert for 40 years before entering the Promised Land [the punishment for chickening out when it came time to take the Promised Land from the giants who lived there, for not trusting/obeying God when He said He was giving them the land and all they had to do was follow His command to take it, Deuteronomy 1 (you see, we complain about how long God takes to answer, but then when He does answer, sometimes we’re not ready for it)]. One of the miraculous blessings God provided for them in the desert was manna from heaven. In the beginning, they considered it a great miracle and praised God for it. But after years and years of the same old manna, they grew disappointed with it, resentful of it. God’s provision wasn’t satisfying to them anymore. But did you know there was a reason why God provided manna for 40 years? And more manna. And more manna. Yes, it was a blessing, to keep them alive, but also …
“Remember how the Lord your God led you all the way in the desert these forty years, to humble you and to test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands. He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna … to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord…. He gave you manna to eat in the desert, something your fathers had never known, to humble and to test you so that in the end it might go well with you.” (Deuteronomy 8:2-3,16) So manna – 40 years of manna – was a blessing and a test, to find out what was in their hearts, to test their faithfulness and refine their faith and help them have the best future possible.
And let’s not forget about Joseph who was sold into slavery by his brothers and who eventually ended up in jail for a crime he didn’t commit. And yet God left him in jail for several years before getting him out. How easy it could have been for Joseph to lose hope, to feel like faith in God just wasn’t worth it, that it did nothing but bring him trouble! And yet, in trusting faith, Joseph did his best with the time he had and the jobs he had, even as a prisoner. And God saw it and blessed him for it. (However, God blessed him as a prisoner who was still in prison, not by freeing him right away. Sometimes God’s blessings look different than we expect. Sometimes, even if we do everything right, we are blessed in the trials, not by being set free from them.) But these trials eventually gave Joseph a strong, godly character, a deep faith that taught him that God can be trusted, that we need to patiently wait on Him even when it looks like we’re in a hopeless situation and the odds are against us. And after having grown Joseph’s faith and character through these hard trials, God eventually put him in the #2 position of authority over Egypt, using him to help the nation (and even his own family) survive a long, terrible famine.
God’s silence, His “slowness,” hurts. It confuses us. It makes us feel afraid and abandoned. But it’s part of the process - an important part of purifying and growing our faith in Him, of developing our character, of strengthening our trust in Him, of helping us see God for who He really is and ourselves for who we really are, of teaching us to be Christian warriors instead of Christian worriers.
Do we have faith in God because He is God or because He’s giving us what we want? Do we serve Him, or do we think He’s here to serve us? Do we pray to get our Will done, or do we pray to get His Will done? Do we think we can manipulate/control Him with our prayers and good behavior? Will we still obey Him, even when we don’t understand? Do we really want Him, or do we just want His gifts? Will we still trust Him even when everything goes wrong, or will we turn our back on Him in despair because He isn’t who we thought He should be? What kind of a God is He really? Does He really love us, and what does that love look like? Is He worth our love, worship, and loyalty, no matter what’s happening in our lives? Do we view Him based on our circumstances and His answers to our prayers, or do we view our circumstances based on who He is, according to the Bible? What is faith, and how does it “work”?
His silence during the painful trials of life is when the rubber meets the road. It’s when we put our money where our mouth is. Who is He really? Why do we really trust Him? And will we still trust Him no matter what, even if He says ‘no’ to our prayers and our heartfelt cries?
Many of us – if we’re spoiled with comfort and abundance - won’t pursue God or purify/grow our faith in Him. That’s why Jesus said it’s easier for a rich person to go through the eye of a needle than to be saved (Matthew 19:24). Because rich people think they have all they need, and that they did it on their own. So why would they need help in life? They are self-sufficient, self-made, and confident in their ability to get the life they want. Why would they need God when they can do it all themselves?
But it’s not just rich people. It’s all people who rely on themselves and their abilities. If life is going well, why change anything? And so sometimes God allows our worlds to be shaken, to fall apart. And then He hides from us, pulls back from us – encouraging us to reach for Him, to pursue Him, to examine our hearts and faith, to get to know Him as He really is, to throw ourselves at His feet, into His arms, and at His grace and mercy. And to need Him. Not just want Him, but need Him. And not just His blessings, but Him. Just more of Him.
Through the trials and His silence, He ask us these questions: “Who do you think I really am? Why do you believe in Me? And am I enough for you?”
I think there are various reasons why God might remain silent and hidden for certain stretches of time. If you’re in a dry, spiritual “desert” (when God feels far away), it might be …
1. A time of discipline when He’s withdrawn to get you to see your sins and their consequences, to help you get back on the right path. If this is the case, you need to be deliberate about confessing sin, asking forgiveness, and seeking Him again, as soon as possible.
2. A time of testing to see what’s in your heart, to root out any “heart idols” (anything you place above Him or pursue/rely on more than Him), to help you see the truth about Him and yourself, to see if you will follow Him and obey Him even if you’re confused or disappointed.
3. A time of being turned over to the hardness of your heart because you have resisted Him, rebelled against Him, disobeyed Him, or continually ignored the convictions of the Holy Spirit. At first, He tries to get your attention gently, to help you get back on track. But if you persist in your rebellion, He has no other choice than to let you have your way, to let you walk away from Him. This kind of silence from God should be greatly feared and taken very seriously. It is dangerous territory and can reap severe consequences.
4. A time of pruning/growth when He knows that you’re ready and willing to pursue Him more and to learn the harder lessons of faith. And yet, oddly, it seems like He’s pulled back from you. But this silence should not be feared. He’s there with you, encouraging you toward godly growth and character, like a parent taking a step backward as their toddler learns to walk, beckoning them to take one more step closer. Or like an experienced mountain climber who leads the way for a beginner, climbing just ahead of them, encouraging them to take one more step higher, all the way to the top. This kind of silence shows you’re on the right path, ready to grow, to mature in the faith. Do not be discouraged by this silence, but allow it to draw you closer to Him (through prayer, the Word, and obedience), and to grow and strengthen your faith. There are some lessons that can only be learned this way. Don’t miss them by letting your feelings run away with you.
5. A time to teach us who He really is, to teach us to respect His sovereignty, to honor His right to be God, and to accept His right to give or take away, to say “no” or “wait.” It’s a reminder to us to get off His throne and let Him be God.
6. And sometimes it’s just because He’s working on the answer to our prayers but it’s not ready yet. And so He has nothing more to say than “Don’t worry. I’m working behind the scenes in ways you can’t see or understand. Hang in there. Draw closer to Me, trust Me, and be patient. Put your hope in Me, not in your circumstances, and the answer will come in time.”
When you’re in an extended time of waiting, of God’s silence, search your heart and ask God why. Is it discipline? Is it because you’re in rebellion? Is it simply that He’s working on the answer but it’s not ready yet? Is He forcing you to get off His throne, challenging you to give Him the right to answer as He wants to? Or is it because God knows you’re ready to grow in your faith, and He’s asking you to climb higher with Him?
Quite honestly, our tendency is to fear these dry, “desert” times, to feel abandoned and like it will never end. And so we desperately try to fight our way out of His silence, to fill it with busyness, to make things happen, to “help” God along, or to try to earn His answer or attention through our good behavior. But no matter what we do, we can’t make Him speak, act, or move any faster than He wants to. But we can make sure we’re in a receptive position for when He does speak, act, and move. We can keep talking to Him, keep listening for Him, keep obeying what He’s already told us to do, and keep meeting Him in the Word, letting His truths be our comfort, our security, our guide.
And keep in mind that - as frustrating and discouraging as it is - waiting on God oftentimes takes a lot longer than we want. That’s just the way it is. From my own experience, as I look back on the emotional roller coasters of faith I’ve been on over the years, I’ve noticed a rough pattern - different “stages” I go through before God finally answers my prayer:
Stage 1: Total confidence that the Lord will do what I’m asking. “Lord, I’m praying for such-and-such. And I trust that You’ll do it and that You’ll do it soon. Thank You and Amen.”
Stage 2: Confident enough to keep waiting because it’s just a matter of time. “Okay, I’m waiting happily here because I know Your answer is right around the corner.”
Stage 3: A bit concerned but still trusting that God will reward my patient faithfulness, my trust in Him, with the answer I want. “Beginning to sweat a little here, Lord, but I know You want me to learn to wait patiently. And so I will.”
Stage 4: Worried that I might not be getting through, that maybe He’s not aware how faithfully I’m waiting on Him. Still a bit confident that my plans are what God wants, but starting to feel like it might be up to me to make it happen. Desperately trying to do everything “right” - reading my Bible, behaving right, praying “right,” confessing every little sin, examining every negative attitude, trying to polish myself up so that I don’t displease Him, trying to find anything that might be blocking Him from answering my prayer, etc. Something has to work one of these days! “Hey, God, look how patiently I’m waiting on You. But where are You!?! Look how much I’m doing for You, how hard I’m trying. Is it not enough? Why won’t You answer me? Maybe I should help You out a little with the answer, start the ball rolling? You help those who help themselves, right?”
Stage 5: Totally discouraged, feeling abandoned and forgotten, even after all the praying I’ve done, all the faith I’ve expressed, all my desperate efforts to do it all right. And yet, maybe it’s just one last test that I have to pass before He answers? “Have You forgotten me? Do You not care? What more do I have to do? WHERE ARE YOU!?! But You know what, I’m not giving up yet. This is a last test, right? To prove I can persevere in faith? Okay then, I’ll ask again. Please! I really need an answer. I need Your answer. Please, God, don’t leave me dangling out here alone forever!”
Stage 6: Heartbroken, desperate, out of ideas of how to get God to answer … but starting to care less about getting an answer to my prayer and more about needing to know He’s still there, is still listening, still cares. “God, I’m exhausted and losing hope. And I don’t really care anymore about my request. But - please! - I need to know You’re still there. Please, do something – anything! – to show me that You’re still there, that You haven’t forgotten me, that You care about me, that You’re real. I’m losing faith. I need some hope to help me hang on.”
Stage 7: Giving up, too discouraged to care anymore if I hear from Him or not, too tired to hope (it hurts too much), just wanting to be left alone, to give up, to let go. “Okay, God, forget it! I’m done! I don’t even know what faith is anymore. Are You even real? Did I just make it all up? Is this all life is? Endless pain? Suffocating hopelessness? Waiting on a God who doesn't seem to care? If this is all there is, is life even worth living? You know what, God, don’t bother with me anymore! I’ll handle everything myself. If I rely on myself, at least I know what to expect. And at least I won't have to face being let down by You. I’m done!”
Stage 8: Remembering that He is my God, the only real hope I have, and that I’ve been through too much with Him to turn my back on Him now, even if He’s frustrating and confusing at times. Not caring anymore about an answer to my prayer, but just wanting Him, even if it means I have to quietly sit at His feet while He “ignores” me. And finally giving Him permission to say “no” to my request, to work in His time and in His way, even if it hurts. “Okay, Lord,” (head drops in exhaustion, big sigh), “I’m not done. I have nowhere else to turn to. You are the one with the words of eternal life, and I need You. And I don’t even want an answer anymore. I don’t care about getting anything from You. I just want You. More of You. I know You’re real. I know You care. I know You’ll reveal Yourself in Your own time and way. And so I’m not giving up on You. And I know You won’t give up on me. I will wait here at Your feet, Lord, as long as it takes, because I have nowhere else to go. I still believe, Lord, but please help my unbelief. Help me be content with the silence, with the waiting. Help me accept Your answer, even if it’s ‘no.’ Because not my will, but Yours be done. You know better than I do. And so whether You give or take away, blessed be Your name, Lord. I don’t care anymore about my plans and dreams; I only care about You. Help me see You. Help me feel Your presence. Help me know what You want me to do. And I’ll wait as long as it takes. I’m digging in my heels, Lord, clinging to You, waiting at Your feet until You show Yourself to me again. Because You are my God, and I need You. I want You. And only You. But please, Lord, I’m hurting and confused, so renew my faith and my spirit. Give me strength to keep going. Wrap Your arms around me and comfort me. Tell me You’re with me and that it’s going to be okay. Please, Lord, show me Your glory, pour out Your grace on me, and that will be enough for me.”
And this is usually the point when the wait has been so long and discouraging that my focus has completely shifted from the answer I was pursuing (the “heart idol”) to the Lord. It’s when I realize that He alone is the only thing that will truly satisfy. The only thing I really need. I can live without the answer, without what I thought I wanted or needed, but I couldn’t live without Him. And at this point – after waiting through the silence, after being pruned of any sense of self-sufficiency and self-control and self-importance, after learning to pursue Him with all that is within me instead of just pursuing His blessings - He whispers. Nothing huge. Nothing dynamic or earth-shattering. And maybe even nothing to do with the thing I was originally praying for. But a whisper. His whisper. And, oh, it is so worth it!
“The Lord said [to Elijah], ‘Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by.’ Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave.” (1 Kings 19:11-13. Read the whole chapter for yourself.)
God whispers. In our hardest moments, our deepest fears, our greatest trials, He doesn’t always shout to get our attention or do dramatic things or perform great miracles. Oftentimes He simply whispers. But it’s enough! It’s enough to remind us that He is God and we are not. He is still there and still cares. He is still faithful, even when we are faithless. He is strong when we are weak. He is our comfort when we are hurting. He knows what’s going on when we don’t. He sees the end when we can’t. He knows how to make the crooked path straight again. He is the answer to our questions, fears, and doubts. He can carry what we drop and fix what we broke. He is so big when we are so small. And He will work out His plans, for His glory and for our good and for the best eternity possible, in His time and in His way, and it will be far better than any plan we could have dreamed up.
If only we will trust Him enough to let Him do it. If only we will let Him be God.
And when we get to this point – the point of wanting Him more than His answer, of wanting His way more than ours – then either our desires have changed and we’re content with His “no” answer … or He finally brings the answer we wanted. But now, it’s not an idol. It’s a blessing we want to use for His glory and His kingdom. Because it’s not about us anymore; it’s about Him. All because He whispered and because He is enough!
To be clear, I’m not saying God always makes us wait just to teach us some lesson or to make us do something in particular. The risk is that we’ll be convinced that as soon as we do it, then God will answer our prayer. Sometimes it happens this way, but sometimes it doesn’t. And if it doesn’t (if He doesn’t do what we thought He’d do when we did what we thought He wanted us to do) then we’ll be confused and crushed and lose faith in Him. All because we let our faith rest not on Him, but on our ideas of Him and of how faith “should” work. Sometimes God makes us wait for a reason, to teach us something or to get us to do something … but sometimes that’s just life and what we wanted was never going to happen anyway. But our job is not to focus on getting what we want in the end, but to focus on Him, to let all of life, even the trials, draw us closer to Him and strengthen our faith and trust in Him, especially in the times we don’t get what we want.
The quality of our faith isn’t tested or revealed in the good times when things go our way, but in the bad times when they don’t. Don’t waste the hard times - the best opportunities for spiritual growth. You might never get what you want, but you can always get more of the Lord and grow in your faith, whether you get what you want or not. Don’t waste a trial. Don’t waste your pain. Let it purify your faith and deepen your relationship with the Lord.
And remember that this life isn’t really about this life anyway. It’s about building God’s kingdom and our eternities, about storing up eternal rewards that will be much more fulfilling than and permanent than any temporary pleasure this world offers. Don’t trade your heavenly treasures for earthly pleasures! Our faithfulness will be rewarded eventually, if not here then in eternity, when His plans and decisions will become much clearer. And then we’ll understand why He answered (or didn’t answer) the way He did … and we’ll say “Thank You, God!”
Too many times, our prayers are not from the foot of the cross, but from His seat on His throne that we stole. We demand and request and order God around, trying to convince Him that we know best and that we have a “right” to the answers we want because we’ve “followed the formula.” We can see the “rightness” and importance of what we’re asking for, so surely God can see it too, right? But then we feel like He let us down and can’t be trusted if it didn’t happen the way we thought it should. We question what kind of a Christian we are, what faith is, what kind of God He is, and if He really cares about us at all. And we either get angry and rebel and grow bitter, or we retreat in pain and fortify our walls and say, “See! I knew He’d let me down. Everyone always does!” We pass judgment on His ability to be God, evaluating His performance, His “God-ness,” by our limited understanding of how He works and how He answers our prayers. But we have shrunk Him, put Him in a box, and defined Him based on the circumstances of our lives, on our expectations, on what He gives us. We don’t treat Him like God but like a Vending Machine who has to give us what we want when we put our money in and push the button. And so sometimes He pulls back, stays silent, and doesn’t give us what we want – to show us who He really is, what faith really is, and what’s really in our hearts.
Don’t let His silence or His “no/wait” answer cause you to despair, to doubt Him. Don’t turn your back on Him in discouragement because He wasn’t who you thought He should be. Find out who He really is! Use those doubts as “stepping stones” to uncover walls, sins, fears, expectations, and misconceptions about yourself and about God, to root out any idols you’re chasing, to dig deeper into the Word, to climb higher in your faith, to turn your heart back to Him, and to see Him for who He really is. The truth is out there (in His Word). Do you want it enough to fight for it? To dig for it? To struggle through the pain and confusion to get it? To keep reaching for Him no matter how much He seems to pull back? Do you really want the truth? Do you really want Him?
Faith isn’t about getting what we want, it doesn’t always lead to a carefree, “happy” life, and it doesn’t always make things easier. But if we will grow through the trials and cling to God through the pain, we’ll find the joy, contentment, and deep peace that can only be found in Him, even in the midst of hardships. (I think most discontentment comes from feeling like God owes us something that He isn’t giving us. When in reality, we owe Him everything we already have.)
Faith that is real, that’s been tested and purified through the fires of adversity, will bring us to the point where we can say, “Lord, You know my desires, but may Your Will be done, not mine. Regardless of how You answer my prayers, You are still my God, and I will trust You and cling to You, no matter what. I know You are good, that You’re real, that You’re in control, and that You love me. And that is enough for me.” This is being “sweetly broken.” This is true humility. And this is why we will all face painful trials and His silence sometimes. To grow our faith. To purify our trust in Him. To break us of our need to play God. And to cause us to wrestle with our fears, doubts, sins, expectations, etc. - to help us clean up our lives for His glory (and for our good) and to teach us who He really is and that He’s all we really need.
When we get a clear, biblical understanding of the truth about ourselves and God, we’ll know Him as a good, loving Father that can be trusted, no matter how, if, or when He answers our prayers. We’ll be more comfortable knowing that our job is to ask but His job is to answer. We’ll know that even if we didn’t get what we wanted in our time and in our way, He will work it out for good in the end. And we’ll know that regardless of the trials of life, He loves us and wants the best for us, and so we’ll learn to praise Him, even in the messy, difficult trials of life.
Don’t waste the trials. Don’t waste the pain. Let God teach you what He wants you to learn during the time of waiting, of “inactivity,” lessons that can often only be learned during the hard times. Use this time to draw near to Him, to humble yourself before Him, to confess, to forgive, to seek forgiveness, to right any pasts wrongs (if it’s possible), to learn to be patient, and to learn to praise Him for the God He is, even if you don’t get your way. (Maybe keep a notebook where you write down everything you’re thankful for, down to the smallest blessings and delights, the things we take for granted and even the good lessons that came out of the hard times, the silver linings on the storm clouds. And thank Him for them. Why do we always expect Him to do more for us when we barely even remember to thank Him for what He’s already done for us?)
And remember that even if we can’t see God in our daily circumstances, we can always find Him in His Word. He’s never “too far away.” He’s never totally hidden. He’s always waiting to meet us in His Word. (Why do we always expect Him to speak to us in more sensational ways when we barely make the time to listen to or obey what He’s already told us in His Word? When you don’t know what else to cling to, cling to the truth He’s already revealed in His Word.) Make the most of your time. Meet Him in His Word. Let Him guide you in cleaning up your life. Let Him heal your hurts and fears and doubts. Let Him purify and grow your faith and trust in Him. Resist the urge to lead the way out or to fight your way out of the “desert,” and follow Him instead. Let Him lead. Let Him guide you, in His time and His way. Don’t rush it. Don’t seek distractions. And don’t despair. But be willing to learn from this time and to wait on Him. He will not forget you. Trust me on this. Trust the Bible on this!
Deuteronomy 31:8: “The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”
2 Peter 3:9: “The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness.” (Technically, this is about Jesus’s promise to come back again in the “end times” to judge the world and gather His people, but how else could it relate to our lives?)
Bible Work: [Some verses about waiting, doubt, God’s silence, trials, faith, etc., and about the different reasons God might be silent: discipline, testing, handing people over to their hard hearts, pruning/growing our faith, teaching us who He really is, or because He’s working on the answer but it’s not ready yet. (Can you think of more reasons God might stay silent?) What do these verses teach you? (Can you find more verses?) How can they apply to your life?]
Zechariah 7:13: “When I called, they did not listen; so when they called, I would not listen.”
Matthew 26:39: “… ‘My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.”
Mark 9:24: “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!”
Numbers 11:23: “The Lord answered Moses, ‘Is the Lord’s arm too short? You will now see whether or not what I say will come true for you.’”
Job 1:21: “The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised.”
Exodus 33:18: “Then Moses said, ‘Now show me your glory.’”
John 6:66-69: “From this time many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him. ‘You do not want to leave too, do you?’ Jesus asked the Twelve. Simon Peter answered him, ‘Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We believe and know that you are the Holy One of God.’”
Isaiah 7:9: “… If you do not stand firm in your faith, you will not stand at all.”
Romans 12:12: “Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.”
2 Corinthians 12:9-10: “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weakness, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.’”
Romans 15:13: “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”
Hebrews 13:15: “Through Jesus, therefore, let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise”
Galatians 5:22-23: “But the fruit of Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.”
2 Timothy 2:3: “Endure hardship with us like a good soldier of Christ Jesus.”
John 16:33: “In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
1 Corinthians 16:13: “Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men of courage; be strong.”
Psalm 40:1-2, 31: “I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand…. But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”
1 Peter 1:6-7: “… for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith … may be proven genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.”
1 Corinthians 10:13: “No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.”
James 1:2-4: “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”
Jeremiah 29:11: “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’”
Isaiah 55:9: “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”
Ephesians 6:13: “Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.”
Romans 5:3-5: “… we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.”
1 Peter 5:6-10: “Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings. And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.”
Hebrews 12:7,10-11: “Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons… God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.”
Hebrews 11:1: “Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.”
2 Timothy 1:7: “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”
2 Corinthians 4:7-10: “But we have this treasure is jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard-pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body.”
Philippians 4:6-7, 11-13: “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, presents your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. … for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.”
1 Timothy 6:6: “But godliness with contentment is great gain.”
Psalm 121:1-2: “I lift up my eyes to the hills – where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.”
Philippians 4:19: "And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus."
Proverbs 3:5-6: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.”
Romans 8:28: “And we know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”
1 Corinthians 9:24-25: “Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever.”
2 Timothy 4:7-8: “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness…”
Matthew 6:19-21: “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”
Joshua 24:15: “But if serving the Lord seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve... But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.”
If you’re in a long time of waiting, getting discouraged, and don’t know what to do, try examining your views of God and of yourself, your lifestyle, and any lies, sins, expectations, doubts, fears, etc., that you harbor in your heart or mind. Here are some questions to help:
Questions for when God seems far away, and you can’t figure out why:
1. Did anything in this section stand out to me? Why?
2. Do I really want God in my life? Do I want to know His opinion about how I am living? (If so, ask Him His opinion. If not, confess it and talk it over with Him to find out why.)
3. Have I disobeyed God in anything? How can I make it right (as much as I can)?
4. In what areas or ways am I resisting, rebelling against, or ignoring Him, and why?
5. Can I handle His correction? Am I teachable? If not, why? What should I do about it?
6. Am I chasing anything or too focused on anything (recognition, money, security, praise, possessions, my desires/plans, what I want, other people, my depression or pleasure, my past, my fears, my hurts, the future, etc.), when I should be more focused on God and building a deeper relationship with Him? How does my focus need to shift, and how can I do that?
7. What are my “heart idols,” the things I put above God, that I pursue instead of God, or that I find my security/worth/identity in more than in God? Am I seeking earthly pleasures over heavenly treasures? Am I willing to let Him change my plans and desires, direct my future, and work His Will in my life? Why or why not? (Talk it over with Him in prayer.)
8. Am I disgracing God in any way, such as by lying, deceiving, cheating, being unforgiving, being unkind, being prideful or self-centered, engaging in things like witchcraft, sex outside of marriage, gossip, drunkenness, illegal behavior, godless entertainment, immorality, etc.?
[We can’t be all God wants us to be or get all the blessings He wants to give us if we won’t live like He wants us to live. He won’t settle for half our hearts, half our loyalty. And He does not – cannot - tolerate sin. So do not take sin lightly. After all, our sin cost Jesus His life.
Galatians 5:19-21: “The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissentions, factions and envy, drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.”
Hebrews 10:31: “It is a dreadful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.”
1 Corinthians 6:9-11: “Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.” That’s the bad news. But there’s good news. There’s hope. Because even though God cannot and will not tolerate sin, He can and does forgive it: “And this is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.”
John 3:16: “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.””
Romans 6:23: “For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
Romans 3:23-24: “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.”
Ephesians 1:7: “In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace”
Isaiah 53:5: “But He was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed.”
1 John 1:9: “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”
Psalm 103:11-12: “For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.”
Colossians 1:13-14: “For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.”
2 Corinthians 5:17: “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!”
Romans 8:1: “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”
John 8:11: “‘Then neither do I condemn you,’ Jesus declared [to the woman caught in adultery whom the religious leaders wanted to stone]. ‘Go now and leave your life of sin.’”
Romans 10:9,31: “That if you confess with your mouth, ‘Jesus is Lord,’ and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved…. Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”
Acts 2:38, 10:43: “… ‘Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.’ … ‘All the prophets testify about [Jesus] that everyone who believes in him receives forgiveness of sins through his name.’”]
9. Am I lazy in my spiritual disciplines? Am I too focused on living a comfortable, happy life or getting what I want? [Remember, God calls us to diligently seek Him (Deuteronomy 4:29) and to love Him with all our hearts, souls, and minds (Matthew 22:37). And He may have to pull away from us or take away the things we cling to, in order to get us to do that.]
10. Am I struggling to keep all the balls up in the air, to handle everything on my own, to keep control, to “make it happen”? Why do I feel I have to do this? Have I shared my burden with the Lord? Do I trust Him to handle my concerns? If not, why not? (Talk to Him about it.)
11. Is there any part of my heart/life/past that I keep hidden, that I haven’t opened up to the Lord? Am I being less-than-honest with God (or myself) about anything in my life: thoughts, feelings, sins, my past, fears, doubts, etc.? If so, what is it? What’s coming between the Lord and me? (Talk it over with God. Ask His help in dealing with it and getting past it.)
12. What is my attitude/behavior towards other people right now? Anger, resentment, bitterness, jealousy, unloving spirit, unforgiveness, disrespect, etc. (Think specifically about each significant person you know to see if you have an ungodly attitude toward any of them. Pray that God brings it to your attention. The more we’re filled with ungodly behavior, attitudes, and habits, the more unwelcome the Holy Spirit is, and the more access to our hearts and lives we give Satan. And so we need to be deliberate about rooting these out.)
13. Am I having a hard time letting God “give” or “take away” anything, in any area of my life right now? What is it, and why? (Confess it to Him. Talk it over with Him. Ask Him to help you accept His right to decide what you need and don’t need, to help you trust Him.)
14. Am I discontent in any area? Why? How is it affecting me and my faith? How can I learn to be content instead? (Pray about it first.)
15. Am I judging Him based on how He’s working (or not working) in my life, how He’s answering (or not answering) my prayers, or on what I have or don’t have? How am I judging Him? What verses can help me correct my view? (Ask Him to help you see Him correctly.)
16. What is faith? What are my expectations of Him, of faith, of life? How does He want me to change? (Think carefully, talk it all over with Him, and find verses to guide you.)
17. Why can some lessons only be learned “the hard way”? What kinds of lessons? Any examples from my life? Would I have learned what I did if I had never gone through the hard time, the trial, the pain? Was it worth it? (We don’t have to thank Him for the painful trials, but we can and should thank Him for any good that came out of them.]
18. What is the difference between earthly happiness and joy in the Lord? Which do I really want, and why? Do I need to adjust my focus in any way? How can I do that?
19. Am I willing to wait for God to work in His time and in His way, and to praise Him even in the painful trials, even if I don’t get what I want? If not, why not? Where is that attitude coming from? What effect is it having on me, my faith, and my life? Am I willing to obey whatever He might ask me to do? Do I really want Him to talk to me or am I afraid of what He might say?
20. [If you feel stuck spiritually …] What was the last thing I disobeyed God in or when was the last time I resisted Him, rebelled against Him, or ignored the Holy Spirit? [If that’s when your path diverged from His, go back to it, confess it to Him, do what you can to make it right. And ask Him if there’s anything else you need to confess, face, work on, or make right.]
Sometimes, God’s silence and pulling away is the wisest thing He could do … because if we are in rebellion or in disobedience or living ungodly/too-comfortable/self-centered lives, we might never seek to make it right on our own. We might never correct our focus. And we’d miss out on a vibrant spiritual life, on eternal spiritual rewards, on the help and healing He alone offers, and on the peace, joy, and security of living life close to Him. And if His silence is what gets us to shift our focus and priorities – if Him pulling away from us gets us to seek Him and pursue Him more - then it’s a good thing. A very good thing.
But of course, it still hurts, confuses, and frustrates us. Because we can’t make Him move any faster than He wants to. But we can use that time to deepen our relationship with Him, to grow in our knowledge of Him. So don’t waste your time. If you can do nothing else for the time being, then get to know Him better in His Word so that you’re ready when it is time.
Questions for when your relationship with Him is on track, but the wait for an answer is just too long:
Now, let’s say that you are walking with Him daily and there’s no obstacles in your relationship with Him, but you are just waiting for an answer to a prayer and it’s taking too long. Things seemed to be going fine, but the wait is dragging on and on. You need an answer, and you’re starting to despair or panic. You want to force something to happen, and you’re tempted to give up on God. Maybe you even feel like your faith is being shaken. His silence is making you wonder if He really cares, if you matter, if He is ever going to do anything about your request, if He’s even real. During these times, it may help to ask yourself . . .
1. Do I run ahead of God’s guidance or fail to seek His guidance? Am I praying for His Will to happen or am I praying for what I believe I need/want? Am I so focused on “the answer I want” that I am failing to ask Him to guide my path and to give me the wisdom to see His answer?
[I think it’s more helpful and effective for us to pray for His help, wisdom, guidance, peace, etc. during our struggles, trials, and heartaches than it is to “pray the answer” (to tell God in prayer how we expect Him to answer). We pray “Lord, do such-and-such for me” or “Give me X, Y, or Z” … when maybe we should be praying “Lord, give me the wisdom to know what You want me to do.” Because if we don’t get the specific thing we prayed for, it makes us doubt Him. It makes us frustrated or angry with Him. It makes us confused because we thought the Bible said we would get what we prayed for, if we prayed in faith. It makes us afraid or ashamed, feeling like God must be angry with us or disappointed in us or like there must be something wrong with our faith. But maybe it’s simply that we were praying the wrong prayer, with the wrong motives. God doesn’t promise to give us whatever we ask for whenever we ask for it. But He does promise to help us through life by giving us strength, peace, wisdom, guidance, comfort, help, etc. Read the Bible for these promises, and pray for them when you need them. These are prayers He will answer!]
2. Have I looked in the Word for the promises that God has given me?
[During the long waits, it really does help to immerse yourself in the Word. Ask for the Holy Spirit to lead you to a verse or two that you can claim as your own in the wait, in the trial. There are many things God has promised us in His Word, and if we ask, the Holy Spirit will show us which ones relate to our situation. This shifts our focus from what we think we need to what God offers. (But beware of claiming any verse you want. Pray for His guidance and wait on Him until He shows you the one that He wants for you.)
As I went through a long wait once, months of waiting, I had many people encouraging me to “go out there and make it happen,” to force what I wanted. But I really wanted to know what God wanted for me. I didn’t want to run ahead of Him. Of course, there were times for doing something, but then there was one confusing time when I knew God was telling me to do nothing. To just keep waiting on Him. I think He wanted to show me that He could be trusted, that if I obeyed His instruction to do nothing, He would still work it out.
Anyway, as the wait dragged on, I really doubted that “doing nothing” was the right or wise track. Did I hear God correctly? Was I being stupid? Or lazy? Was I just afraid to make a move, to do something? Would God really come through for me if I did “nothing”? I was beginning to doubt myself, God, my faith, and … well ... everything. I needed something outside of myself to hold me up, something to ground myself on. And since God felt so far away, I had to run to where I knew I could always find Him: His Word. His eternal, living, completely-true, sufficient Word. And so I spent some time digging into the Word, looking for and praying for a “life-ring,” a Bible verse or two (or more) I could grab onto to keep me afloat when I was ready to drown under everything - my doubts, my fears, others’ advice, His silence, etc. And these were my verses:
James 1:5: “If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.”
Proverbs 3:5-6: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.”
Isaiah 48:17: “This is what the Lord says ...’I am the Lord your God, who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the way you should go.’”
These are what I clung to when I had nothing else to hold onto, when “doing nothing” didn’t make sense. God will give us wisdom if we ask. He will make our paths straight if we trust Him. He will direct us if we listen and obey. These are His promises to us. But did I trust that He’d do what He said He’d do if I did what He said I needed to do? There was only one way to find out. I decided that I had to take God at His Word, even if I didn’t “feel it.” If He promises to give us wisdom but I didn’t yet have the wisdom to make a decision, then He wasn’t ready for me to take the next step. And so I had to wait some more, until He gave me the wisdom He promised. If I didn’t know what to do, it wasn’t time to do anything. If the path was still crooked, it wasn’t time for Him to straighten it yet, which meant more waiting.
The funniest part was that as I prayed and pleaded with Him to tell me if it was okay to do nothing, to give up trying to make my answer happen, like I thought He was telling me to do, this popped into my mind: “Ecclesiastes 3”. I almost never spend time in that book of the Bible, but I looked it up. And my eyes immediately fell on verses 1 and 6: “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven… a time to search and a time to give up…” Thank You, Lord, for the guidance.
Pray about and find some life-ring verses for yourself. Grab onto them. Cling to them with all the faith you’ve got, especially when you’ve got nothing else to hold onto. They are God’s promises. They will keep you afloat through the long wait. If you keep holding on.]
3. Am I drawing near to Him or pulling away because of the wait and the silence?
[God will answer when it is time. Until then, sometimes all we can do is cling! Cling to Him, instead of turning away in discouragement. His silence doesn’t mean He doesn’t care or that He forgot about you. It means He’s got plans that we can’t understand. It means He’s got timing that we can’t understand. It means He’s asking us to go deeper in our relationship with Him, to climb higher on the difficult mountains of faith, to be pruned of the things we need to be pruned of, and to grow in our spiritual wisdom, knowledge, and skills in ways we can’t when life is easy and carefree and we’ve got all we want.
And yet so many of us turn our backs on Him in despair and say, “Fine, Lord, if You’re not gonna do anything about it or do it my way, then I don’t need You. I’ll do it myself.” Fight through the despair, the desire to give up on God because you’re not getting your way. Fight it with all you’ve got, in honest prayer and by leaning on the Truth of the Bible and by choosing to cling to Him, no matter what.
We don’t win races by giving up after the first cramp. We don’t become artists by giving up when the first tube of paint runs out. We won’t have a successful marriage if we turn tail the first time (or hundredth time) we face conflict or feel unappreciated. And we don’t become warriors in the Christian life by giving up the first time the armor becomes too heavy or the silence becomes too loud or the trials become too discouraging or the wait becomes too long.
His silence isn’t abnormal. He often makes us wait. He makes us wait until our own ideas, efforts, strength, and wisdom fail us. He makes us wait until we no longer want just what He can give us but until we desperately need Him. He even makes us wait past the point where we could feel like our prayers made it happen, so we can’t think we’ve got some special influence over Him, that He jumps when we say “jump.” He’s got reasons for His delay, even if we might never know why. But in the wait, our choice is to decide if we will draw nearer to Him or fall away from Him. We have to decide what kind of a God we think He is, if He can be trusted, if we will seek Him in His Word, and if we will keep clinging to Him, even when He doesn’t make sense. His silence tests us and our faith. Is He worth it? Will we cling to Him no matter what? If not, who else will we turn to?]
4. Are there any walls, fears, doubts, sins, expectations, or misconceptions that I am holding onto or that are being uncovered during this time of waiting?
[Confess these honestly. And be prepared to wait some more while the Holy Spirit digs even deeper. The deeper He wants to go in your life and the more significant the things He wants to change or uncover, the more difficult and longer and louder the silence and the time of waiting will be. But the greater the rewards will be, too. Follow the Spirit. Go where He’s taking you. This is what will lead to the most abundant, satisfying life possible. (After the pain, of course.) Now, this doesn’t mean that if all walls are down, all sins are confessed, all expectations/misconceptions/doubts are cleared up, etc., that you’ll get what you want. It just means that you’ll be able to see things clearer and be more willing to accept God’s answer, whatever it may be, because you will be seeking Him, instead of just what you want from Him. Your hope will be in Him, and not in some particular answer to prayer.
I wonder if God sometimes doesn’t answer our prayers in our way and in our timing just to remind us that He is not a code to be figured out. He cannot be manipulated by us. He cannot be tamed or controlled. He is God, and we are not. He is not a vending machine. He is far above us and our understanding. And He knows we need to learn this to have the strongest, most real faith possible. He also knows what we really need eternally, no matter what we think will fulfill us on earth. And during the silence, He weeds out the false desires until we discover the true desire of our hearts: Him.
This was the case for me. As I have faced disappointments and difficult trials over the years, one right after the next, He’s been weeding out the false, temporary, unfulfilling, and insignificant desires of my heart. He’s weeded and weeded and weeded ... until I learned that what I really needed was not what I thought I wanted. I didn’t need stuff from Him. I didn’t need Him to give me what I wanted or to bless the path I wanted to take. What I really needed was a deeper, more stable relationship with Him, security in Him, no matter what’s going on in life. I needed a more solid faith that didn’t fall apart in the trials but that could withstand the trials. I needed Him to be more than just a Vending Machine for me, someone who would give me what I asked for. I needed a Heavenly Father. One who was bigger than me, stronger than me, wiser than me. One who couldn’t be controlled by me (what a tiny god that would be!). One would hold me when I hurt, pick me up when I fall, handle what I couldn’t handle, and who would love me and be there for me, no matter what. And ironically enough, sometimes we can’t learn that God is all we really need until He’s all we really have left.]
5. Am I willing to wait for His answer? Am I willing to obey whatever He tells me? What do I fear He might say, and why?
[Dig deep and pray to see if there is any resistance to waiting and obeying. We have to be willing to wait and obey if God is going to answer. Sometimes we are so hung up on doing what we want that we are not yet ready to obey what He will ask us to do. Ask yourself if you are truly willing to obey whatever He asks you to do, to take the next step when He reveals it.]
6. How do I expect God to answer? How might my expectations be hindering me from sensing His leading?
[If we sit in front of one closed door, praying and waiting for that door to open, we may miss out on the door that He actually does open. Are you waiting for your expectations to be fulfilled or are you willing to go where He leads? Admit your expectations to Him and offer them to the Lord to change as He wills.]
7. Has God already answered me, but I have forgotten or ignored it?
[Sometimes, God has given us the instructions on how to handle a certain request, but we may not want to do it, so we “ignore” it. Or maybe we just forgot what He said and went off in our own wisdom. It may be wise to consider this, if we are wondering why God is not answering us. Maybe He already did. Or maybe He has granted you the wisdom to handle it yourself. Sometimes, if it’s not what we want to do, we will keep praying, asking Him what He wants us to do, as a way to avoid doing what we already know we need to do. Sometimes His silence is His way of saying, “You already know what you need to do, but you’re ignoring it. And so I won’t speak again until you do it.”]
8. Is there any sin between God and me right now? Am I living in obedience or disobedience?
[You know, I was thinking about my tendency to get discouraged about God’s slowness in answering. And it dawned on me how little I was concerned with God’s discouragement over my slowness to obey. I don’t want to accept His “halfhearted,” slow attempts to respond to me; but I want Him to accept my halfhearted, slow attempts to respond to Him. Convicting!]
9. Am I following biblical principles for effective prayer?
[Look up verses on prayer, see what they reveal. Such as:
Philippians 4:6-7: “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
James 4:16-17: “... The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.”
2 Chronicles 7:14-15: “If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land. Now my eyes will be open and my ears attentive to the prayers offered in this place.”
1 Peter 3:10-12: “Whoever would love life and see good days must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from deceitful speech. He must turn from evil and do good; he must seek peace and pursue it. For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their prayer, but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.”
Jeremiah 29:12-13: “Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”
1 Peter 3:7: “Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.”
1 John 5:14-15: “This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us - whatever we ask - we know that we have what we asked of him.”
James 4:2-3: “... You do not have, because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.”
John 14:13-14: “And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father. You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it.”
1 John 3:21-23: “Dear friends, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have confidence before God and receive from Him anything we ask, because we obey his commands and do what pleases him. And this is his command: to believe in the name of his Son, Jesus Christ, and to love one another as he commanded us.”
John 15:7-8: “If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you. This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.”
Matthew 6:33: “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.”
Luke 6:28: “bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.”
1 Thessalonians 5:17: “pray continually;”
Psalm 66:18: “If I had cherished sin in my heart, the Lord would not have listened;”
Proverbs 21:13: “If a man shuts his ears to the cry of the poor, he too will cry out and not be answered.”
10. Do I really want what I am praying for? What might I actually fear about getting the answer?
[Such as, we ask for healing of a chronic condition, but are we really ready to go back to a normal life with all of its demands? We pray that God gives us a certain position, but do we really want the work it entails? We pray that God brings us a new job, but do we really want to go through the effort of finding it, applying for it, and switching places? We pray for God to fix our broken marriage (or broken life), but are we really willing to clean up our act if God reveals the ways we are failing and need to change?
Sometimes, even with something we really do want, there is a part of us that is not ready for the answer. Is this the case with your request? If so, confess these fears or concerns to God, and ask for His help to accept the answer that He gives and to obey.
I wonder sometimes if God expects us to start living like we want the answer before He will give it to us, and yet we are waiting for Him to give us the answer before we start living like we want it.]
11. Am I learning to praise in the pain and the silence?
[No matter what, it is His Will to praise Him. This is not because He is some ego-centric God that needs our praise. Yes, He deserves it, and we should be praising Him simply because He is God. But it’s also for our benefit. Praise is the enemy of fear and panic. And praise keeps the Enemy at bay. And you don’t need to “feel like it” to offer praise, either. I never understood this. I thought praise was based on our feelings. But it’s not. It’s based on our wills, our decisions. And sometimes, as Hebrews 13:15 says, praise is a “sacrifice.”
When you are still in a time of waiting - especially when you don’t feel like doing it - praise God for anything and everything you can think of. Write it down. Start an ongoing list. Sing a worship song. It will put you in a better place emotionally and spiritually, to feel His presence and to hear Him when He does speak to you, because you are acknowledging His Godhood in your life. If you are really struggling with His silence, with discouragement, start a list of all the things you are thankful for. (But if any negative feelings or thoughts do pop up, do not just ignore them. Talk to God about them. This will draw Him nearer to you.) By simply reviewing the ways He has blessed us in the past – even through bittersweet times – and by taking time to notice the daily blessings we take for granted, we begin to focus more on the silver linings than on the storm clouds. And we begin to realize that if He’s been this good to us already, then He can be trusted to care for us in the future and in our current situation.]
12. Will I persevere or will I give up on God?
[Every heart-breaking trial is an opportunity to choose who will be our god: Us or God in heaven. It’s a challenge to decide if we will cling to Him or turn away. I think sometimes God allows trials and long waits so that we answer these questions: Who is my God? Who is on the throne in my life?
Through trials, God challenges us to choose ourselves or Him, to make up our minds, to get off His throne. And once again, I think God wants warriors. He wants strong Christians who know how to hang in there when the going gets tough. And this can only happen by going through tough times, by practicing those skills and disciplines that are so necessary to effective spiritual battle, and by leaning fully on God. And dealing with His silence is a great time to practice this and to decide that you will dig in your heels and place your trust in Him. If you will not let anything take your focus from pursuing God, you will find Him.]
13. If my situation never changes, can I be okay with that?
[I think that somewhere along the way, we need to face this question and make a decision about it. If our situation never changes, can we still bring God glory in it? Or will we get bitter and depressed? To give God the right to answer our prayer as He wishes (which He has the right to do anyway, whether we like it or not) means allowing Him to say “no.” And if He does say “no,” we have three options: reject it and go our own way, get depressed or bitter, or accept it and pray, “Lord, please help me bring You glory, even in the pain and disappointment.”
Some of us may be asked to settle into the place that we are in and to learn how to bring God glory through it. Maybe it’s a chronic illness. Maybe it’s constant financial need. Maybe it’s a deep sense of loneliness. Maybe it’s an unfulfilled dream. An unsatisfying job or bad marriage or unfair situation or whatever.
But whatever it is, we have the choice to bring Him glory, to praise Him, to be grateful, even in the pain. We have the choice to work for heavenly rewards, even in the heartache. To help others on their journeys, using our hard times for their benefit. Or we can sit around, wasting our lives, griping about all the things we don’t have, didn’t get, and all that’s gone wrong in life.
We may never know, on this side of eternity, why God answers the way He does. But it’s not our job to know or to approve. It’s our job to trust, to follow, to obey, to praise Him, to do the Kingdom work He puts in our paths, and to bring Him glory no matter how He answers our prayers. Someday, all things will be made right again, and all things will be clear. Until then, what are you going to do with your life, with the trials and pain and disappointments? How you live now will affect the eternity you will have later, an eternity which is so much longer than your brief time on earth.
2 Corinthians 4:16-18: “Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”]
14. But if I have done all the searching of my heart that I can do and have tried everything I can think of to get God to act, what else is left when waiting on God for an answer?
[I would say that the best thing you could do is to get on with living in other areas. After presenting your request and seeking His guidance (and maybe godly counsel), get on with obedience in other areas of your life while you wait on Him for an answer. Try to hear Him in the areas He is not silent in. Focus on glorifying God in whatever task He has given you today, keeping your eyes, ears, and heart on God and open for His leading. And if you cannot do anything about your request at this point because it’s all waiting on God, do what you can to pour your life into others.
I’ll admit something here. I have always been a lonely person. And I have prayed for deeper friendships and have sought to establish relationships with others at various times, but many of these efforts didn’t work, and I still found myself lonely. And I lamented this for years, feeling like something was wrong with me and like it had to be different for me to be happy.
But one day it hit me that if I was always a lonely person, I might always be a lonely person. And I could spend my time and energy grieving it and fighting it, or I could embrace it and learn to live with it and glorify God through it. And so one day, I prayed, “Lord, if I am always going to be a lonely person, help me be the best, most God-glorifying lonely person I can be. Use my loneliness to open my eyes to the pain and needs of others, so that I can touch their lives and bring a little of Your light to them.”
Yes, I am still “lonely,” but I am learning to let God fill that need instead of trying to use others to fill it. And by letting God meet my needs, I am free to reach out to others for their benefit, instead of seeking them out to meet some need of mine.]
If you find yourself in a long time of waiting, don’t feel like it’s wasted, fruitless time. Use that time to draw near to God, to purify and strengthen your faith and your trust in Him, to let Him prune away the things He doesn’t want in your life, to come clean with Him in the areas you need to, to open up the closed parts of your heart/life/past to Him, to find Him in His Word. He will answer your prayers someday, be it “yes” or “no.” Are you willing to accept whatever His answer is? Do you trust Him? Do you want His Will more than you want your own? Are you willing to obey, to do what He asks you to do, even if it’s hard or doesn’t make sense?
[One good way to know that He’s telling you “the next step He wants you to take” is if all three of these indicators line up and say the same thing: guidance from the inside (the leading of the Holy Spirit, your conscience, assurance, a sense of peace, etc.), guidance from the outside (godly counsel, open doors, circumstances falling into place, etc.), and confirmation from God’s Word. If all three of these point to the same thing, then you can probably be assured that it’s what God wants you to do. But if they don’t line up, wait and pray some more, until they do or until God opens a different door or changes your direction.]
Whatever job He has already given you today, be faithful to follow it through to the end, knowing that He will reveal the next step, the next job, when you are done with this one. Resist the urge to detour or drop the job He gave you just because you are anxious to do something else. Trust that He is working behind the scenes to give you the best possible answer and to get you into the best possible position to receive it. Just keep your focus on Him, and it will happen when the time is right.
But while you wait on God to answer you, get on with the rest of your life. Do your best in the daily jobs He gives you, for His glory. Turn your focus outward to the needs of others. Meet with Him regularly in prayer and in His Word. Set your mind on things above. And do whatever Kingdom work He puts in your path, working for spiritual, heavenly, eternal rewards. If you are doing these things, you can trust that He can and will handle your requests and concerns. In His time and in His way. His job is to answer; your job is to ask, seek, knock, and to be faithfully obedient Today.
“I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day – and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing.” (2 Timothy 4:7-8)
“Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!” (Matthew 25:21)
“Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and first earth had passed away … And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, ‘Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them… He will wipe away every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.’” (Revelation 21:1-4)
